Leading: Dear guests! Today you are all about big connections, you will undergo a medical examination completely free of charge. You will be examined by the most highly qualified doctor, whose appointment must be made several months in advance.
A doctor comes in wearing a robe and cap.
Doctor: Hello, guests! Please prepare your hearts for a medical examination.
(Approaches everyone, listening to the heart with a phonendoscope) speaks:
1.Completely healthy.
2. Let me hear what’s in your heart?
Diagnosis: mild crush!
3.What is your heart singing about? Can I listen?
So, the diagnosis is clear - that means 100 grams of vodka every half hour for tonight. By the end of the anniversary, the wound will heal itself.
4. Young man, say A-A-A.
Enough. We write: confuses day with night. It’s okay, half of our population lives quietly with such a diagnosis.
5. But, dear, what will you please us with?
All clear. She is sleeping!
6. And you, father, why are you so sad?
Write. Depression.
8 Who are you, can I listen?
Heightened self-esteem. There's nothing you can do about it.
9. Well, your heart will definitely introduce you to us, who are you, what is your last name?
Persecution mania...
10. You sigh throughout the entire medical examination. Have you eaten anything today, how do you generally eat?
11. Here is your heart, it seems that it’s about to jump out from an overabundance of feelings. Is there something you really want to say?
Well done.
12 Your heart, it seems to me, is worried about the gifts that you gave to the hero of the day today?
It’s better to listen to the heart, it will tell the truth.
(approaches the hero of the day)
Tell me, when the anniversary is over, everyone will go home and you will be alone in the evening, what words will you say to your wife that are in your heart.
Can we listen too?
So, I checked all the guests, the diagnosis for everyone is clear:
1 Chronic jubilism.
2 Bottleism
3 Tanzelite
4 Overeating
5 Peretostitis
6 Acute drunkenness
7 Hangover syndrome
8 Acute drink deficiency
I urgently prescribe a potion for everyone: White, Red, Dry!
Our dear hero of the day also underwent a medical examination!
Our council of relatives and friends who came to the anniversary.
Having examined the hero of the day: ear, throat, nose, liver, heart, kidney, spleen.
Taking the depth of the convolutions and the length of the intestine,
The conclusion was that our hero of the day is young.
The cardiogram says, the heart beats without a flaw.
According to a blood test, he is fit for fiery love.
And like urine like a piece of glass, it doesn’t hit your head
Yes, and on the lower floor, when viewed in the lower floor,
Everything is in order, everything is in order, only there are calluses on the heel,
Well, it doesn’t matter, he always runs a lot.
There are no unnecessary wrinkles on the face, sharp eyesight and excellent hearing.
The brain and digestion are normal, only the reproductive channel is blocked,
It doesn’t matter either, he always wants sex.
And he can physically work until he sweats.
We conclude that he does not need treatment.
Is it just to relax and with the guests a little bit,
For a healthy person, take 100, 125 grams!
Our dear hero of the day, we present to you medal" In a healthy body healthy mind "
We give you honor and glory,
Let life warm you with kindness,
After all, you are the owner by right
The rewards are so high!
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY DEAR____________________!
A funny scene for an anniversary or birthday "Medical examination".
Congratulating the birthday person on his birthday, we always wish him happiness, success, prosperity and, of course, health. So today a representative of the city health department came to us and, violating the Hippocratic oath, wants to divulge medical secrets to us.
(They quickly run into the room: Doctor Aibolit, a nurse (a man in disguise) with a suitcase in his hands, two mouse nurses (children can play their role).
Dr. Aibolit:
We heard about the anniversary a long time ago
And the ambulance arrived immediately.
I will introduce myself, as my upbringing dictates,
Before you is the good doctor Aibolit.
There are two nurses next to me,
We call them “Mice” in the ambulance.
I have an intern.
Meet the nurse!
Today we got very busy,
But they managed to get the vaccine.
So that the table in front of you does not double,
Now we will give the guests an injection.
(The nurse takes two syringes out of the suitcase and hands them to the Mice. They, in turn, fill the syringes with juice or lemonade and inject a few drops into the mouth of each guest.)
And we already need a double dose,
So that prose fits better onto poetry.
(The mice are served by the medical staff, not forgetting about themselves.)
And our birthday girl
Always fresh and pretty.
Now let's look into our suitcase,
To support your image today.
For the disease, we will exclude all causes,
When will we prescribe these vitamins?
(The nurse takes vitamins from the suitcase and hands them to the birthday girl.)
So that you surprise the whole world with your health,
Take this magical elixir from us.
We make an accurate diagnosis,
It's called an anniversary.
There was an urgent visit to you,
So welcome guests!
Our council of doctors,
Who came to this holiday,
I examined the hero of the day,
And, of course, I was stunned!
Ear, throat, nose, liver,
Heart, kidneys, spleen,
Brains were also appreciated
On the subject of blues, melancholy.
Taking the convolutions of the depth,
And intestinal length,
The conclusion was this:
THE JUBILEE IS YOUNG!
Overall this copy
Cheerful, healthy, not at all old.
The cardiogram says the heart beats without a defect.
According to a blood test, he is fit for fiery love.
And like urine like a piece of glass, it doesn’t hit your head
and even on the lower floor, when viewed in a negligee,
Everything is in order, everything is in order, just smeared heels,
Well, it doesn’t matter, he always runs a lot.
And the hero of the day’s tongue is not worn out, there are no unnecessary wrinkles on his face.
Normal brain, digestion
We conclude:
Doesn't need treatment!
Is it just to relax?
And with the guests a little bit at a time,
For health, take 100, 125 grams!
Maybe go to the sea.
Or on your own hacienda,
On the lawn, under the bushes!
Not sick, not sad,
We recommend living a long time.
In active mode
Obsessed with a stormy life,
Sports, honey and labor,
The house will be a full cup!
Friends, as you know, there is wisdom in wine, strength in cognac, fun in vodka, and only in water there are microbes! Therefore, I suggest filling the glasses once again.
Sketch "Good Doctor Aibolit"
|
Props: robe, jar, enema, listening ear, aspirin. The song "Men in White Coats" is playing in the background. 
Presenter: The circle of our guests is growing today. And I hope the birthday girl is only happy about this. After all, her hospitality is widely known outside this house.
(Phonogram of an ambulance siren. Doctor Aibolit, a nurse (a man in disguise) with a suitcase in his hands, two mouse nurses (children can play their role) hastily run into the room. Everyone lines up in a semicircle to greet the guests.)
Doctor Aibolit: We heard about the anniversary a long time ago
And the ambulance arrived immediately.
I will introduce myself as my upbringing dictates.
Before you is the good doctor Aibolit.
There are two nurses next to me.
We call them “little mice” in the ambulance.
I have an intern.
Meet the nurse!
Nurse: Things got really busy today.
But they managed to get the vaccine.
So that the table in front of us does not double.
Now we will give the guests an injection.
(The nurse takes two syringes out of the suitcase and hands them to the Mice. They, in turn, fill the syringes with juice or lemonade and inject a few drops into the mouth of each guest.)
Nurse: We need a double dose already.
So that prose fits better onto poetry.
(The mice are served by the medical staff, not forgetting about themselves.)
Doctor Aibolit: You, grandma, are like God’s dandelion,
Always fresh and pretty.
Now let's look into our suitcase.
To support your image today.
For the disease, we will exclude all causes.
When will we prescribe these vitamins?
(The nurse takes vitamins from the suitcase and hands them to the birthday girl.)
So that you surprise the whole world with your health.
Take this magical elixir from us.
(The nurse hands over the elixir purchased at the pharmacy.)
I'm sure you'll dance hopak.
When you get five star cognac.
(The mice bring a souvenir inflatable bottle of cognac from another room.)
Doctor Aibolit: We make an accurate diagnosis.
It's called an anniversary.
There was an urgent visit to you.
So welcome guests!
(Continuation of the feast.)
HOST:
Dear friends! Today you are visiting central television! The TV company “Pale Vid”, together with the Ministry of Health, presents you with a festive and educational show “I’ll tell you a secret!”, the sponsor of the program is the funniest doctor - Doctor Aibolit! He will now introduce his patients to you!
(Dr. Aibolit comes out in a cap and gown and several of his patients, it is desirable that their appearance corresponds to the content of the verse that he will sing)
DR. AIBOLIT:
There are a lot of newfangled ones these days
There are a lot of doctors,
I advise people
You should listen to the doctors!
They'll tell you a secret,
How to maintain health
An example will show you
How completely happy to be!
(patients sing their verses in turn):
I'll tell you a secret,
I don't look at the fat
I'd rather be on vitamins
I'll sit for natural ones!
I'll tell you a secret,
I am sitting in a yoga pose
So sometimes I intertwine my legs,
That I can’t untie it!
I'll tell you a secret,
I'm on a diet
Then I dip a cracker in the tea,
Then I gnaw the bones!
I'll tell you a secret,
I don't shiver from the cold,
I jump into an ice hole in winter,
Like a walrus!
I'll tell you a secret,
I don't go on diets
Because with your weight
I appreciate it endlessly!
I'll tell you a secret,
I am friends with foreign countries,
In Turkey itself recently
I got a massage!
I'll tell you a secret,
I keep my muscles toned
I push my Chevrolet
No gas to the garage!
I'll tell you a secret,
I don't watch TV
That's why I feel
Like a bespectacled person, I don’t walk!
I'll tell you a secret,
I don't go to work!
When I eat the last gingerbread,
I'll tell you first!
I'll tell you a secret,
At night I eat cheese
Because in the body
I have normal calcium levels!
I'll tell you a secret,
I hold my chest like a wheel,
I try to be an optimist
I find joy in life!
I'll tell you a secret,
I hold my tail like a carrot,
Because in gardening
I find a hobby!
Let's tell you a secret,
What would be nice is 100 grams
We'll pour for all the recipes,
What did we tell you!
|
- Who is not healthy here, who has a stomach ache? The Good Doctor came to your anniversary... Barmaley? No, of course, Aibolit! I hope none of you are hurt? Where is ___ the patient? Let’s see if he’s healthy or not?! (Puts a thermometer on the hero of the day.) Stand up, turn your shoulders, and pull your stomach in. Bend over, rise up, and spin around in place. Exhale sharper, inhale deeper, your pulse is not bad at all! And now, together with me, start running in place. Let's stretch our arms forward, open our mouth wide. Normal stool, temperature, colorful figure. You are healthy, patient. In general, there are no pathologies. But out of respect for you, I’ll still give you the recipe: I forbid you to get sick, to get angry, to frown, to grow old. Have sex more often, swim in an ice hole in winter. Well, when spring comes, then run to the garden. Exercise there with a shovel, sunbathe, don’t be shy. And forget about the pharmacy, visit the disco. Dancing is the best vitamin for neuroses and sore throats. Take this infusion 100 grams for health! (hands out bubbles). In order to live to be a hundred years old, you have to pour it for the guests too!For doctors in connection with upcoming professional holidays. Tomorrow, May 12, is International Nurses Day, and every 3rd Sunday in June is Health Worker Day.
So last night I had to put everything aside and sit down to write cheerful congratulations to the health workers, as well as those who work with them. In general, all people in white and colored coats.
Perhaps somewhere I still have the same humor, but this is the profession of these people)) I wrote with great respect for their work and with no less desire to meet them exclusively on the pages of this site (it’s better for you to come to us than we to you ). Dear heroes of the upcoming celebration, do not even think about being offended by the order of the list: it is not in alphabetical order and not in order of seniority - as it came to mind, so I give it out. And you can always correct it.
Comic nominations for congratulations
and awards for medical workers
Miss Light Hand – Nurse
Man - X-ray - radiologist
Call girl – female emergency doctor or primary care physician
Call boy - the same, but male
Master of Cardiac Affairs – Cardiologist
Let's cut everything off! - surgeon
We'll cut it from here, sew it here - plastic surgeon
Heart to heart conversation - psychiatrist
We do not care! – pathologist
Why are we so nervous? – neurologist
Our regiment has arrived! – midwife
Man – long arms – gynecologist
Where did the second ear go? – ENT (ear, nose and throat. Only one ear is designated, but where is the other?)))
Skin care specialist – dermatologist
You can reach a person in different ways - proctologist
The path to everything lies through the stomach - gastroenterologist
Reach heaven, or at least something - pulmonologist
Jade King - nephrologist
Brother, he is also a brother in Africa - the 1st nurse
Brother-2 – 2nd nurse
First lady of state - head nurse
First Lady – female chief physician or spouse of a male chief physician
The first lady's husband is a male chief physician
Mister Muscle - orderly
Mrs. Muscle - Nurse
Color of Life Specialist – Pediatrician
And let the ophthalmologists look into your eyes - a venereologist
But we have our own alphabet - ophthalmologist (ophthalmologist)
The gray cardinal is the medical supply manager. institutions (what could we do without it?)
Let there always be sunshine, otherwise the light bulbs will run out - the electrician is honey. institutions (must be announced immediately after the gray cardinal)))
Queen of Test Tubes - Laboratory Assistant
The writing involves impressions from the film “Interns,” as well as vague memories of the monologues of Soviet comedians and my own small personal experience.
But to these professions
I couldn’t think of any cheerful congratulations:
Epidemiologist
Infectious disease specialist
Anesthetist
Dentist
Prosthetist
Paramedic
But they were invented by wonderful visitors to my site - use them! So,
doctors
from my readers :
Anesthesiologist is a potential drug addict
Or - OMOROZKO
Or - NEIBOLIT
Dentist - Even the toughest guys are afraid of me
Or - Expensive, but what to do?
Or - In my society everyone spits
Or - NOT A FOOT IN THE TOOTH
Surgeon - EDWARD SCISSORHANDS
Infectious disease specialist - I WANTED TO SNEEZE AT EVERYONE
Or - Mr. TOTAL SNATCH
Epidemiologist - bubonic-plague king (there were epidemics of bubonic plague in the Middle Ages) or BUBON-PLAGUE KING (to make it not so scary, he is still a king)
Urologist - Miss tarnished reputation (if female)
Or - NISTRUYA (with emphasis on the last syllable) (if a man)
Paramedic - (if a rural district doctor) - BOTH SWEET, AND RVETS, AND TRACTOR RIDER
Plastic surgeon - DO NOT BE BORN BEAUTIFUL, BUT BE BORN RICH.
Gynecologist: NO NEED TO BE SHY, WHERE TO GO?!
Ambulance Team - The Team We Can't Live Without
A nurse or a nurse giving an enema - Not by washing, but by poopingNutritionist - well, you eat...
Venereologist - it doesn’t matter WHERE, but it matters WITH WHOM
Pulmonologist - Nightmare of the upper respiratory tract
Sex therapist - If you drive more quietly, you will stay longer
But, friends, if you have other options, please write, I will add them here. So that on their professional holiday there would be cheerful congratulations to health workers, and not boring official statistics.
An anniversary is a big holiday. Many are trying to celebrate it on a grand scale. This implies a wide feast and many guests. There are not only relatives here, but also friends of the hero of the day with their children and spouses, his colleagues, co-workers, and superiors. It turns out to be a very diverse company - in terms of age, hobbies, interests. To prevent guests from getting bored, you need to think in advance what entertainment you can offer them. The best options for this are scenes that will periodically “dilute” the feast, amuse the guests and delight the hero of the day. Scenes can be very different - costumed and not, short and long, with one “actor” and larger-scale ones. There are also many ideas for them. Any plot will be suitable, from existing books, films and mini-productions that we spied somewhere, to those invented independently. However, they all must have one thing in common - be funny.
Costume performances
The main difference between them and the rest will be only the costumes in which the participating actors are dressed for believability. Usually the guests themselves are the actors. Their participation is agreed upon in advance by the relatives of the hero of the day, who are preparing the holiday and want to give an additional gift.
Traffic police inspector and hunters
Three men are participating. You need to choose the appropriate costumes - a traffic police uniform for one and a gun, boots and bandoliers for the other two. “Hunters” can be exchanged for fishermen, fans or anyone else. It depends on the interests of the hero of the day.
Progress of the scene
Two hunter friends, accompanied by a traffic police officer, enter the hall where the feast is taking place. They were just on their way to today's anniversary to congratulate their friend, but they violated traffic rules and were stopped by an inspector. We explained the situation to him - well, it’s impossible not to congratulate a good man! Of course, the inspector agreed to take them to the celebration site. After congratulating friends and presenting gifts, the inspector comes forward and himself joins in the congratulations. He reads out, and then hands the wife of the hero of the day a certificate of technical inspection of a special vehicle - the birthday boy himself (his last and first name is announced) on the occasion of his 50th birthday (the number can be any) and the corresponding conclusion.
Technical inspection
Conclusion of the traffic police
- The condition is excellent.
- The owner claims that this vehicle can still be driven and driven.
- Refuel only with high-quality fuel - octane number not less than 40. If the octane number is lower, more fuel is needed.
- Regular lubrication of the filler part is recommended: on vacation, after hunting and bathing, on birthdays, etc.
- Using a vehicle by proxy is not permitted.
- The owner must remember that for normal operation the vehicle needs affection, love and regular lubrication.
- The next technical inspection is recommended after 50 years.
Italian guests
This skit also requires three participants - two men who will be Italian guests, and a female translator. The costumes are quite simple; you don’t even have to completely change the actors’ clothes, but simply choose the appropriate accessories - dark glasses, black wigs and mustaches, brimmed hats. For the translator - visual glasses and a stack of paper. As gifts - pasta, olives, wine. At the height of the fun, the actors of the scene quickly enter the hall and head towards the hero of the day. They take turns congratulating the birthday boy, and the translator repeats each phrase in Russian. 1st guest: Nashente zdravizhilento yubelento e druzente – lubente alcoholento pipento! Translator: We want to greet our hero of the day, as well as his dear friends. 2nd guest: Come to the devil in the middle of nowhere and tell me at least something! Translator: We came to your wonderful city to join everyone’s congratulations. 1st guest: Pozhelanto ne glotanto tabletanto and not znanto vrachevanto! Translator: We would like to wish you the best health. 2nd guest: Let there be a lot of money in your wallet and your belly was always full! Translator: May financial well-being and lasting happiness accompany you throughout life. 1st guest: Puskaento druzilento nikogdento na krysento! Translator: Let there be reliable friends nearby. 2nd guest: We wantetto handed over figinetto and jurundento! Translator: These wonderful gifts from sunny Italy are for you. 1st guest: Not obzhirante and not blivante, pusento not lopnento. Translator: Eat healthy and enjoy. 2nd guest: Posminente nascente priezdante – italiano podarente. Translator: Remember us, always your Italians.
Strange salaries
A small costume scene that should accompany, and possibly open, the gift-giving ceremony. There are two actors. It is advisable that they be women - thin, short and tall:
- The small one is “weighed” with a small amount of money - this can be either coins or small denomination bills. You can simply draw them on large sheets of paper so that they are clearly visible.
- A tall woman is dressed more richly - there are no coins at all, but there are a lot of large bills.
Before presenting gifts, they take turns approaching the hero of the day and congratulating him.
Congratulations to Little Salary
Don’t look, dear birthday boy, that I’m still so little. I wish you all the most beautiful things in the world. May, with my help, you be able to provide yourself with a life worthy of the king himself! To make this happen, I invited my older sister here. I hope that together we can please you.
Congratulations to a Big Salary
Maybe I don’t look very much like a lucky lottery winner, but together with my younger sister, we are the best gift that will be useful to you in any situation, will take you on vacation and will bring you many pleasant minutes! Congratulations! After this speech, all guests who decided to choose an envelope with money as a gift present it to the birthday person. You can prepare a large envelope in advance and put the entire amount into it at once.
Mini-productions
Such scenes usually do not take much time. They are staged with the help of one or two actors. Very rarely more is needed.
It is convenient to insert them before the next toast in order to somehow diversify the usual course of the feast and entertain the hero of the day and his guests.
Urgent medical examination
A man fully dressed as a doctor enters the hall. He is wearing glasses, a white coat, a stethoscope, and shoe covers. In his hand he holds a small “medical case”. Doctor: Allow me, let me! Before congratulations can be heard, I am forced to examine our today's hero. He goes straight to the hero of the day and begins an examination: he examines the face, ears, pupils, asks to touch the tip of the nose, listens to breathing with a stethoscope and performs other medical procedures. During this impromptu medical examination, the doctor comments on his actions with various remarks: “So, sir,” “let’s see what we have here,” “yeah, yeah,” “that’s what I thought,” and the like. After this he makes a short speech.
Doctor's speech
I have conducted a full examination of our patient and am ready to make a full report on his health! So…
- Jubilee (last name, first name, patronymic).
- Age - in the prime of life, that is, blooming.
- The pulse is a real fountain, there is no way to measure it.
- Blood type - only red cells, sometimes white ones are also found (in strictly measured quantities). This is real “blood and milk”!
- The heart rate - as it should be on your own anniversary - either jumps or freezes from a complete overabundance of feelings.
- The vital tone is completely versatile.
- Vision is perfect. This way you can notice any little thing.
- Hearing is truly universal, which is very rare.
- The sense of smell is very subtle, with a probability of error of 3% it can determine with whom the spouse communicated today. Such an acute reaction occurs only in males.
- Chronic diseases are an inexplicable hibernation after a delicious lunch, a lovingly prepared dinner. More often this occurs next to a working TV.
- The daily routine is mixed: walking, sitting, lying down.
- The general conclusion is that this is only the beginning of the life of a given organism. It is recommended to take from life everything you want and what you didn’t get.
Urgent telegram
A man with a bag over his shoulder, a hat with earflaps and a glued-on mustache enters the hall. He portrays a well-known character - postman Pechkin. Hello! It's me, postman Pechkin. I brought you an urgent telegram. It must be read aloud. To do this, I definitely need to wet my throat. He demands a filled glass, drinks it, then reads the telegram. It can be written down on this form.
Telegram text
I dreamed of coming dot I couldn’t tour dot I cordially congratulate you dot I wish you hello dot I dream of being there dot yours Alla Pugacheva This sketch can be staged instead of the next toast. And in conclusion, a cool fairy tale scene awaits you about forest animals, a hunter and dragonflies in love - watch the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGYrT25fwqc
