An apology is the words with which the speaker seeks to correct or even prevent a situation in which his authority may be damaged by some discrepancy with his partner’s expectations. It can sound and be expressed in different ways: these can simply be words confirming the awareness of guilt.
The words apology are found in many languages. In Russian, German-speaking, American culture, explanations without adding an apology formula are not considered an apology; a speech act performs the function of an apology only if, as a continuation, it is allowed to accept the apology, reject it, or utter a minimal answer.
Explanations of how a guilt-inducing incident occurred cannot in themselves serve as an apology, since the explanation, although it represents an admission of mitigating circumstances, is not an admission of guilt on the part of the speaker. Therefore, explanations should not be confused with apologies. By giving an explanation, a person admits that something is wrong. Often an explanation turns into an excuse.
Naming the circumstances that caused a negative assessment can prepare an apology or make it redundant, but it can itself serve as an apology.
Assertions that the speaker did not mean to do what he did are intended primarily to enhance the apology. They are more often combined with the formula “sorry”, since with their help the speaker indicates the uncontrollability of the action taken and, as it were, presents an undeniable justification. For example: (Sorry) I didn't mean to offend you.
Assurances that the speaker did not mean to cause harm can be combined with the belief that, on the contrary, he wanted to do something positive for the addressee. For example: I didn’t know it would turn out this way, I wanted the best.
In order to emphasize the unintentionality and unexpectedness of the damage to himself, the person who caused the damage (especially in the case of serious damage) willingly points out that he himself is very embarrassed and confused, exaggerating the negative result. For example: Such a terrible story happened here... I lost your keys. I really don't know what to do...
An apology can be expressed more intensely or less intensely, depending on what words are used to accompany it. Apologies preceded by interjections, as well as those used with adverbs and addresses, are more effective.
Apologies can be accompanied by facial expressions and gestures, and can be more or less convincing and emotional.
In Russian, the following formulations of apologies can be distinguished:
When asking for forgiveness for any fault: Sorry for...; Sorry for...
Stylistically elevated forms of apology: Forgive my oversight.
Apology with justification of guilt: It's my fault...I'm sorry.
Apology with reason: (I) ask (your) forgiveness for...
Expressing a request to forgive: I apologize!
Apology with a touch of formality: My (deep) apologies!
Phrases with the verb “to want” or with the meaning of “ought”: I want (I want, I would like, I would like) to apologize (to you)
Emotionally expressive expressions of apology: If you can, forgive me (forgive me, don't be angry with me)!
Exaggerated way of apologizing: A thousand apologies!
The culture of apology, like any other culture, develops and changes. Currently, among young people you can hear formulations of apologies from other languages (for example, sorry or pardon). This is due to the increasing penetration of foreign words into the Russian language.
To apologize means to understand your guilt, but not everyone who apologizes can be forgiven. A person who has a culture of apology is polite, well-mannered, always more sociable, successful and lucky.
Calm down and collect yourself before apologizing. You might want to rush to apologize to the person you've offended as soon as you realize you've behaved badly, but it's still a good idea to wait a little while before apologizing. Depending on how bad your behavior has been, you may want to keep your distance from the person during the day to let them move away and allow your own emotions to cool down a bit.
- Taking the time to calm down a bit will also allow you to plan your apology and think about what you will say. Often, a well-thought-out, clear apology the day after an incident is more effective than a sloppy, awkward apology immediately after the incident.
Write a letter of apology. If you're having trouble putting your apology into words, try sitting down and drafting an apology letter. Sometimes when we write down our words and thoughts on paper, it helps us better understand what we want to say to the person. It will also allow you to look at your bad behavior clearly and think about why you behaved that way. Identifying the reasons for your bad behavior will allow you to write a more sincere and clear apology. While you may not actually give this letter to the person, putting your thoughts on paper will help you better express your apology in person.
- In your letter, focus on expressing your regret without making any excuses for your behavior. You shouldn’t write: “I’m sorry for my behavior, I’m just under a lot of stress right now,” rather say, “I’m sorry for my behavior and the way I treated you. I was very stressed and took it all out on you, which was completely inappropriate.” Replace the word “but” with the word “and”, this will be a good start.
- In addition, the letter should show empathy and understanding of the person's point of view, noting that you understand why he may be offended by you. In addition, it is worth promising that in the future you will try to behave more appropriately. This will show the person that you are trying to improve your behavior.
- End the letter on a positive note by stating that what you did will never happen again and that you hope you can both put the unpleasant incident behind you. You can sign the letter with “Yours Sincerely” to show that your intentions are honest and truthful.
Apologize one-on-one in a quiet, private place. If you decide to apologize face to face, it must be done in a quiet, secluded place. You can do this in your office, in a conference room, in your home, or in a quiet corner of the school library. Apologizing in a private place, face to face, will allow you to be honest and sincere about your feelings.
- If the person is too upset with you for your behavior, you can suggest a public place to meet that will seem neutral and safe for both of you. You can choose, for example, a coffee shop or bar near the person’s place of residence.
Take responsibility for your behavior. It's worth starting your apology by discussing your bad behavior and why it was inappropriate. Be specific when discussing your bad behavior, as this will show the person that you are capable of taking responsibility for your actions. It will also mean that you admit that you were wrong, which will make the person more inclined to forgive you.
- For example, you could say, “I was wrong to yell at you during the shareholders meeting. I was also wrong when I scolded you and used inappropriate language in my conversation with you.”
Express regret for your behavior. Once you have acknowledged your behavior and that it was inappropriate, you must express sincere regret for your words and actions. This will let the person know that you are aware that you have caused them inconvenience or pain. You are trying to connect emotionally with the person, so try to be as honest and sincere as possible.
- For example, you could say something like, “I recognize that my words and actions were wrong, and I regret that I allowed my anger to get out of control. I know I have offended and embarrassed you, and I apologize for my behavior.”
Commit to changing your behavior. You should offer some way to compensate for your behavior, whether it be a promise that you will never behave that way again, or a promise that in the future you will always talk to this person respectfully and not take it out on them. You must make a realistic promise to the person to back up your apology. The promise must necessarily indicate your desire to change your behavior so that you no longer behave badly in the future.
- You could say, for example, “I promise that I will never again lash out in a meeting or speak badly to you or others.” You can also say, “I know I snap at you all the time, and I don't want to behave like that anymore. I will work on my ability to deal with my emotions to make sure I don’t take them out on you again in the future.”
- You can also ask the person how you can make it up to them and let them dictate their expectations for you. This option can be useful if you are apologizing to your partner or spouse and want him to tell you his idea of how you can make up for your bad behavior. You can ask directly: “How can I make amends for my bad behavior?”
What a strong and wonderful feeling - love. It inspires us, makes us suffer and worry. Here I am, I just can’t find a place for myself after a quarrel with you. I am so ashamed in front of you, my love, for my words, but believe me, all this was not out of malice, emotions just played out. I know that I offended you, and therefore, I apologize. Please forgive me, my dear, unique and only one. Let's make peace and forget our quarrel like a worst dream. I love you, my dear, and I want to always be only with you.
Living life is not a field to cross. And that's absolutely true. Everything in life cannot always be smooth, it just doesn’t happen. So you and I, my love, are now in a quarrel, but I am sure that very soon we will definitely make peace. I just can't stand this separation anymore. Please forgive me for offending you. I promise that this will never happen again, because all mistakes can be corrected if you really want to. And I really want this. Don’t be angry with me anymore, because I love you more than life itself. You are my best, dearest.
The word is not a sparrow; if it flies out, you can’t catch it. So, quite by accident, such offensive words came out to you. Forgive me, please, I realize that I told you nonsense, but it was not at all out of malice. I love you more than life itself. You are my light in the window, my ideal, my dream. You are simply the best guy on earth. Let's make peace, my kitten, and forget this misunderstanding forever. May our boat of love sail calmly in the sea of happiness, may the fair wind of good luck always blow to it.
Love makes the world bright and colorful. But separation is quite the opposite – gray and dull. So for me now everything is in shades of gray, everything seems so dull, because you are not nearby, my beloved. I can no longer live with you in separation, and therefore, I ask you, my beloved, forgive me and come back. Let's enjoy the nectar of love again, let's try to bring back our tender feelings again. It's so hard for us to live without each other. Let this terrible dream end soon, and we wake up in a beautiful garden of love.
Darling, I feel such emptiness in my heart because I’m not with you. I know that I am the only one to blame for our quarrel. You have a patient, angelic character, and I took advantage of this and unfairly offended you. Forgive me, my kitten, don’t hold a grudge against me anymore. Let's make peace and be together again. Most of all in life I am afraid of losing you, my best boyfriend in the world. Let the rain wash away our quarrel, let the wind disperse the dark clouds of separation, let our love withstand any test.
Love makes people happy, but separation from a loved one makes us the most unhappy. So now I consider myself the unluckiest person in the world, because you and I are in a quarrel, my dearest person. I suffer so much being apart from you, I miss you so much. Please forgive me that I undeservedly offended you. I promise this will never happen again. Let's keep our love and be together again. I so want to snuggle up to your strong shoulder, hear your ringing laugh, feel the tenderness of your kiss.
Darling, you are the kindest, the nicest, the most gentle, you are simply mine, I will never give you to anyone. Our little quarrel is like a small grain of sand compared to such a huge love like ours. Please forgive me for the hurtful words I said to you, don’t hold a grudge against me anymore. Let this little misunderstanding be the biggest test for our love. Let everything remain the same for us, because we love each other so much. I love you, my dear, and I want to be only with you.
My sweetest person in the world, I am incredibly lucky to have you. I always want to be close to you, although in our situation it is almost impossible, because we are in a quarrel. Darling, forgive me, please don’t be angry with me anymore. Let's make peace, my only one. Forgive me for my thoughtless words. I promise to change. May our love live happily ever after. May all your dreams certainly come true. All the best to you, dear, good luck and family warmth. May our quarrel end quickly and everything return to its previous place.
Sometimes, just one word can hurt a person. So I, not at all out of malice, offended you, and now I simply cannot find a place for myself. Forgive me, please, my beloved. I'm so sad without you. Don't be angry with me anymore, my dear. This quarrel became a big lesson for me. Forgive me and believe that this will never happen again. I promise to change my obnoxious character in order to preserve our love with you. You are the kindest, the best, and you generally have the most angelic character.
For me, the whole world has become somehow gray and uninteresting, because you, my most important person on earth, are not nearby. There is only emptiness and despair in my soul. After all, I only have myself to blame for everything. Forgive me, please, my beloved. Let's make peace so we can be together again. After all, we felt so good. For me you are like light in a window, like a warm ray of sunshine, only with you I am the happiest. We are separated now, but I love you even more. Let's forget our quarrel like a bad dream.
There are different situations in life. Sometimes you feel so empty, so lonely, because you offended the person you love most. And, as it turns out later, completely undeservedly. Darling, please forgive me, it’s my fault for our quarrel. Believe me, I didn’t want this, it just all happened suddenly. Don't be angry with me anymore. After all, you know how much I love you. It’s so difficult for me now without you, life is all in shades of gray, there is no joy. I need you like air, I just live and breathe you.
It seems that life has simply stopped in place. Everything around is cold, there is no mood. Even sunny weather seems gray and cloudy. And all because you are not nearby, my kindest, most gentle, most beloved guy on earth. Forgive me, please, because I only have myself to blame for everything. I fully admit my mistake, and I promise from now on, first of all, to think before making unfounded accusations. I know I offended you greatly and I apologize. I love you, my beloved.
I'm sad and bored without you, my beloved. When you are not with me, everything seems gray and empty. We are now in a quarrel, and every day we are moving further and further away from each other. I am so afraid of losing our love, and therefore I ask you to apologize for my behavior. I understand that I offended you completely unreasonably. Forgive me, my beloved. Let's try to bring back our old love, because we had so much fun together. You are my best, my only, most desired in the world. Let our love be a talisman for the two of us.
We quarreled yesterday, and I already feel like the loneliest girl on the whole planet. This quarrel torments me so much, because I only have myself to blame for everything. I never thought that it would be so difficult for me without you. Forgive me, my beloved, for the offense I caused you. Let's make peace and be together again as before. I miss your smile, your lips, your ringing laughter so much. My love for you is growing stronger and stronger, forgive me for the offense caused. Let's try to bring everything back, because we were made for each other.
Every person on earth has experienced such a beautiful and strong feeling as love. She works wonders for us. It’s so good to have a reliable, kind, sweet, and most important person next to you. You feel protected, needed, and the happiest. I am so sad now because you are not next to me, my beloved. I ask you for forgiveness for all the offenses that I have caused you. Believe me, it all happened so suddenly, so thoughtlessly. Let's make peace, because we had such a good time together. Do not be offended by me. I love you my darling.
Today the sun is shining dullly, and the flowers are not pleasing with their beauty, it seems that all nature has become gray and dull. Nothing makes me happy because you are not around, my dear. You and I quarreled over a trifle. I admit my guilt and ask for your forgiveness. Don't be offended by me, please. After all, you and I should be happy. Let our quarrel be the first and last test of love. For me, you are the most beloved, the nicest, the most important person on earth, my love for you grows stronger every day.
You and I have been quarreling for a whole week now. This is the most terrible test for me. I can’t come to terms with the fact that you are not next to me, my beloved. Let's forget our quarrel like the worst dream. After all, we were simply made for each other, and our quarrel is some kind of misunderstanding. It’s not for nothing that people say that darlings scold, they only amuse themselves. Don’t be offended by me anymore, let’s make peace, my only and most important person on earth. I am without you, like the sun without warmth, like a flower without aroma. I look forward to our meeting.
There are different situations in life, and sometimes because of a small misunderstanding, a huge quarrel can result. So you and I, my beloved, got caught up word after word, and in the end, you and I are in a quarrel. I feel very bad without you, forgive me for everything, because I myself was the initiator of our quarrel. This will never happen again, I promise you. Don't be angry with me anymore, and let's make peace. We are halves of one whole, we are simply made for each other. Let the rain wash away our quarrel, and not a trace will remain of it.
Love inspires us, makes us the happiest on earth. And separation depresses and makes us the most unhappy. So I feel like the most unfortunate girl in the world, because you and I are in a quarrel, my beloved. There is no more strength to endure our separation. Darling, please forgive me for offending you. Let's make peace and be together again, because we had such a good time together with you. Let's forget our quarrel like the worst dream. I love you and I want us to always be together. Forgive me, my love.
Fate gives each of us a soul mate, and how sad it is when you lose a loved one because of some nonsense. I just can’t find a place for myself because of our quarrel. Forgive me, my dear, I know that I have only myself to blame for everything. It's all my temper. I promise to change, believe me, this will never happen again. I offended you, and I feel guilty about everything. Let this quarrel be the first and last on the huge ship of our love. May he have only happy sailing.
Sometimes you can hurt a person to the core with a simple word, thoughtlessly inflict undeserved insults. I ask you for forgiveness, my beloved, for the fact that we are now in a quarrel. It’s all my own fault, and I’m now oppressed by remorse. Please forgive me for offending you, because all this was not out of malice, but just a surge of emotions. I understand that this is not an excuse, but still, don’t be offended by me anymore. Let's make peace and keep our love, because we both need it like air.
My dear, because of my bad character, you and I constantly have some kind of conflicts and disagreements. I want you to know that I am trying very hard to change for you, because you are very dear to me. I cannot imagine my existence without you and without our relationship, so I want to ask you for forgiveness once again. Please try to accept me and understand me, because it is not easy for me because of everything that is happening. I may seem so cold and unapproachable, but in fact, you yourself know that I worry no less than you. I want you to forgive me and try to forget about what happened, although I know that it is not so easy anymore. I promise to try to control myself and stop exploding over little things. Please forgive your unbalanced girlfriend, who simply loves you madly.
My beloved, I treated you very rudely. I am very ashamed of every word I said to you. You know I just lose control of myself when I'm in this state because I need support. I ask you to please forgive me! Know that I am incredibly remorseful, I am very ashamed, because I allowed myself a lot of things that you simply do not deserve. My dear, I have no excuse, I know that you are already tired of such conflicts, but rest assured that I will make every effort to ensure that such cases no longer happen in our lives. You know that I didn’t say all this out of malice, I just felt very bad at that moment. But even then I regretted every word, I just couldn’t stop myself. Let's forget about everything, let it be like a bad dream that happened and passed. I love you very much.
I feel simply terrible because I offended my dearest and closest person, who is ready to do anything for me. Dear, I know that you are now offended by me, and you have every right to be, because I behaved ugly towards you. But know that you did not deserve anything that I said. You know how much I love you and how much I value our relationship. I want to ask you for forgiveness, because I’m really ashamed, I shouldn’t have behaved like that. Let's just forget about it, although I know it's not easy, but I promise that nothing like that will happen again because I realized what a big mistake I made. My dear and most beloved, forgive me and don’t hold a grudge, please, because I love you more than life itself. I promise that I will be the best girl.
My dear, I want to ask you to listen to me. I am very ashamed of everything that happened yesterday. You were not to blame for anything, but I behaved very unworthily. You didn't deserve a single word I said to you yesterday. I sincerely want you to forgive me and forget about everything. I may be asking a lot, but I really want you to not hold a grudge against me. All this was a huge mistake that I, unfortunately, made. But I promise you that nothing like this will ever happen again, because I simply won’t let it happen. It’s very difficult for me to look into your eyes now because I’m very ashamed. I behaved in a way I should never have behaved. I beg you to forgive me. I promise that everything will only get better from now on.
Our relationship is the meaning of life for me, and I don’t know what came over me yesterday to make me behave this way. I have no excuse, but I ask you to listen to me. I made a huge mistake, which I will correct myself, and right now. My beloved, you know that I cannot imagine my life without you and without our relationship. I am very sad, I am very ashamed and scared, because I am afraid that you will not forgive me. It was a moment of weakness that I allowed through my stupidity. Let's just erase this from our lives, because nothing like this will ever happen again. I will be the best for you, my beloved. I promise that I will correct myself and will do everything to make you forget about this terrible day. I love you very much! Forgive me, stupid.
There is no person in the world more beautiful and kind than you, my beloved. I just can’t find a place for myself, because we are now in a quarrel with you, there is no joy in life, everything seems gray and indifferent. I realized how much I love you, and therefore, I apologize for offending you. Forgive me, please, let this quarrel remain in the past, and we will forget about it forever, because our love is much stronger than all misunderstandings. You are my most desirable and only guy on earth, I love you, and I only want to be with you.
Words forgive your beloved guy: In verse | Short | Postcards
84 708 0Hello! In this article we will talk about how to ask for forgiveness correctly, because sometimes just saying “sorry” is not enough. To be forgiven, you need to sincerely show that you admit guilt, regret and repent. And now we will tell you how to do this.
How to ask for forgiveness correctly so that you will be forgiven afterwards
An effective apology should look like this:
- You express regret;
- You explain your wrong action;
- You acknowledge your responsibility;
- You confess of your own free will;
- You offer to independently correct the situation;
- You are asking to be forgiven.
The most important components are to admit responsibility and offer to correct the current situation yourself.
Professor Roy Levitsky conducted the research. Here's what he says:
“Our research has shown that the most important thing in an apology is admitting responsibility. Accept the fact that the fault is entirely on your side and it was you who made the mistake, not someone else.”
The next most effective strategy after accepting your guilt is to offer to improve the situation.
“An apology alone will not achieve anything, because in itself it is useless. Therefore, you must express your willingness to fix what is broken. This will reflect that you have accepted responsibility for the damage caused,” says Roy Lewicki.
It is also very important to express regret and repentance, and explain what you did wrong. And only last but not least should you ask for forgiveness,” the professor warns. You can do without this step.
Research has shown that if you change the perspective of the person you have offended, you will reduce the damage done. In this case, you should do the following:
- The first step is to eliminate personally unpleasant moments.
- Next, explain your action and state the reason. But don't make excuses for it!
- You must back up your apology with real action. Show the person that you have changed.
- Then you must restore the relationship with this person.
Examples of apologies
Sometimes the simple word “sorry” is enough, but most often it is not. Therefore, prepare in advance all the phrases you are going to say. You can even write them down on a piece of paper if you are afraid of forgetting.
Here are some examples of how you can ask for forgiveness beautifully:
- “(name), forgive me for doing this to you. I miss you madly, you know how dear you are to me. Tomorrow is a new day, and I don't want you to be there. Every second spent with you was and will be unforgettable and unique. I very love you. Let's start all over again?"
- “Life consists of mistakes, we learn from them. So I stumbled, made a mistake. But I won’t make excuses, I just want you to understand that you are very dear to me and I’m afraid of losing you. This fear turned my head, so I was wrong. I ask you, do not judge, but understand. I am sorry!"
- “I know that I am very guilty, but I ask you to understand and forgive me!”
- “Life is too short to waste it on grudges! Please forgive me!
- “Sorry, I was wrong!” - despite its simplicity and banality, this is a very important and effective phrase when apologizing.
You can also apologize beautifully in poetry. Of course, it is advisable to write this verse yourself, so that the words in it are truly sincere, from the heart. But for those who do not have the talent for this or simply inspiration and ideas, we will give several examples of how to ask for forgiveness in verse:
“My heart has no peace,
It's bursting out of my chest
For what I did to you,
Forgive me, darling, forgive me!”
"My heart hurts,
There is no rest for me
While we're at loggerheads
I can't help but think about you...
Please forgive me!
How to improve relationships if you quarrel
With a friend
There is no such thing as a perfect friendship. Sometimes grievances, quarrels, and grief still happen. There is no need to immediately put an end to your relationship; everything can still be fixed. Most often, friends insult not on purpose: without thinking, they were rude because of a bad mood, got into something that wasn’t their business, interrupted, etc.
It is worth maintaining a relationship only if friendship for you means devotion, honesty and mutual assistance. Any other friendship would have come to an end sooner or later.
In order to ask for forgiveness from a girlfriend or boyfriend, first you must know exactly the reason why he or she was offended. Talk to her/him to resolve the problem and maintain the friendship. Explain, say that you didn’t do it out of malice. But this should not be an excuse, you just need to indicate your motive. Apologize for hurting her/his feelings.
If the offended person is your friend, who is emotional, romantic and in nature, consider giving her an apology in poetry. Their examples are given above.
If your apology is not accepted, don't be upset. You did everything you could.
With a loved man
How to ask a girl for forgiveness
Often, their loved ones suffer from men’s mistakes. You can’t avoid mistakes, but you can learn a few simple ways to apologize to your girlfriend or wife so that she stops being angry and forgets your mistake forever.
- Wait for the girl to cool down. There is no need to immediately climb into an open flame. This will only make the situation worse. Women take longer to leave than men. Within a day, the angry young lady will cool down and understand that your act was not so terrible. That's when you need to come up with an apology.
- Do not follow the rule that “the best defense is attack.” If, instead of apologizing, you begin to reproach the girl for the fact that she, too, is not without sin, you can create problems even more serious than the original ones.
- Repent.
- Prepare a beautiful speech in advance. It is advisable that it contains kind words and compliments.
- Don't hum, don't slow down, don't stutter. The girl will get angry. If you forgot the words, figure it out as you go, say that it’s hard and lonely for you without her.
- Don't forget to buy a large bouquet and a gift when you apologize to your lover. Approach the choice of a bouquet with soul, you don’t want the girl to think that you are saving on her and not taking the situation seriously.
- If your action is serious, and your girlfriend will not forgive you so easily, try to apologize in an original way. For example, show up at work with a huge bouquet of flowers to make her colleagues jealous (and at lunch they will talk about how wonderful and romantic you are), or prepare her a gourmet dinner personally.
- When asked why you did this, which is asked by 90% of women, answer this way: “I was stupid!” or “Because I’m a fool!”
How to ask a guy for forgiveness
Every girl knows how to apologize to her boyfriend or husband - she needs to calmly explain the current situation. After all, this is usually just a minor conflict that arose out of the blue.
Here are some tips and phrases:
- Express your regret. Recognize that it is you who are to blame for what happened, and not circumstances or other people.
- Make peace in person, not over the phone, not via SMS. At the same time, look the man in the eyes. Your eyes are the best way to show how sorry you are for what you did. Don't hold back your tears.
- If you are not forgiven the first time, give the person time to calm down. Perhaps then he himself will take the first step.
- Make amends. Give him a gift that is valuable to him. And when giving it, say: “Beloved, this is for you. I'm sorry. I love you very much!".
- Choose the right time and place. For example, cook his favorite dish for a man and apologize during dinner.
- Stop in time. There is no need to make excuses for a long time, it will start to irritate.
With parents
Remember: your parents will always forgive you. They are the most dear and close people to you. Friends separate, the girl may not forgive, but mom and dad will always be with you. They will forgive you everything - what you said without thinking, what you did not call them due to lack of time.
Apologize for your lack of attention to them. Call them daily, find out how they are doing, how their health is.
The phrase comes to mind: “Parents are not chosen.”
First you need to understand that you are not always right, that you are also mistaken. If you notice your parents' shortcomings but don't see your own, it will be difficult to ask for forgiveness. Parents are also imperfect. They want the best for you, but don't know how to do it right.
For example, you did not follow the rule that your parents set. First of all, tell them honestly. Do not minimize your own guilt, do not make excuses or lie, otherwise you will create more serious problems for yourself. If you tell everything honestly, you will prove that you are worthy of trust, despite your mistakes.
Admit that you made your parents worry. Therefore, it would be right to ask mom and dad for forgiveness. Say it like this: “I regret what happened. From now on I will behave more decently, I will watch what I say. Sorry". Show that you are willing to bear the appropriate punishment. Mature people should always be responsible for their actions.
Rules: what else is important to consider besides words of forgiveness
- Look the person in the eye.
- Don't hold back your emotions. If you want to cry, cry.
- Call the person by name.
- Be honest and sincere.
- Don't try to immediately ask for forgiveness. This may take time.
- Put yourself in the shoes of the offended person, understand his feelings.
- Accept the person's reaction after your words.
Why might you not be taken seriously or sincerely and reject your apology?
- You are not serious
To ensure that your apology is taken seriously, it is better to choose the right environment for it. If you mutter, “So, are we friends again?” while bursting into laughter at a party, your words are unlikely to be taken seriously. It’s better to choose a place where you can explain yourself in a quiet environment, showing your feelings.
- You are insincere
If you do not admit your guilt, your words will sound insincere. The opponent will treat them with distrust. He will think that you have no intention of apologizing and will only become angrier. An effective apology must address the feelings and needs of the offended person.
- You are not sure of your words
You don’t understand your mistake, but you are trying to somehow improve the relationship. Most often it looks like this: “Forgive me, but I don’t know what I did.” The use of words such as “but” and “if” makes the addressee take them lightly.
- Wrong time
An apology won't work if you shout out that you're sorry during an argument. You won't be heard or taken seriously if you're still arguing. This is because when a person experiences negativity, they will not listen to you. Therefore, it is better for you to wait until you both calm down.
- Forgiveness via SMS
You are unlikely to be received sincerely if you apologize via SMS. If you meet in person, you are more likely to be forgiven. This way you can convey your feelings not only through words, but also through facial expressions and gestures.
Advice from a psychologist on how to properly ask for forgiveness and make peace with loved ones.
Errors
Making a mistake while apologizing can only make the person angrier. So watch what you say. Don't make the following mistakes:
- Don’t make excuses or look for excuses for your actions. Otherwise, it will look like you don't regret what you did. The person will notice this, and it will be very unpleasant for him. Your apology will be rejected.
- Don't blame the person when you apologize. Words such as “It’s your own fault!” or “It’s all because of you” are not welcome. Saying something that damages a person's self-esteem will ruin your path to reconciliation. You will talk about all this later if you manage to maintain this relationship.
- Don't overdo it. There is no need to overemphasize your repentance.. The person will think that you are pretending. It's better to be more honest and sincere than to be dramatic.
How are the phrases you say when asking for forgiveness perceived?
Everyone perceives your words differently. It depends on many things: character, upbringing, mood. A person can also react both positively and sharply negatively.
Sometimes the phrases you say for forgiveness are perceived as an important part of sociocultural norms. And if, after several failures in establishing relationships, you begin to get bored with texts and calls, your words will be perceived as a way of attracting attention to yourself. In this case, it is recommended to pause so that your phrase seems like a deliberate step.
The ability to admit guilt and apologize is one of the characteristics of a mature personality. But sometimes they are mistakenly perceived only as an important part of sociocultural norms, and from childhood we are taught to say: “Forgive me, I didn’t do it on purpose.”
Unfortunately, this skill does not always develop throughout life and often gets stuck at the very level we were taught. Therefore, the apologies of adults sometimes sound untenable, like baby talk.
Why is it so difficult for us to apologize?
It means admitting that you're wrong and that you're wrong, and it takes courage to show that you're not perfect. As children, they demanded an apology from us, forcing us to think about our behavior or threatening to deprive us of sweets or cartoons. As a result, sociocultural norms were not realized, but were imposed from the outside, and were accompanied by misunderstanding, infringement, and resentment.
Adults with power demand what the child does not want or cannot yet understand, and many of us, along with the skill, internalize this feeling of humiliation for a long time.
There is a big difference between “I’m sorry” or “I ask for forgiveness” and “I’m sorry (forgive) me, please.”
In an attempt to avoid feelings of humiliation, adults do not always choose truly correct formulations. Surely you are familiar with the phrases: “Forgive me if I offended you,” or “Forgive me, but I think...” - sometimes we say them unconsciously, without realizing that these “ifs” and “ but” speak of insincerity. They hide the speaker’s uncertainty that he really repents and understands how he offended the other.
There is a big difference between “I’m sorry” or “I ask for forgiveness” and “I’m sorry (forgive) me, please.” In the first case, we appeal to ourselves, and this is more like a formal fulfillment of social conventions. In the second case, we turn to the person whose feelings have been hurt. This is much more difficult because it makes us vulnerable: the other person is free not to accept an apology.
Why do this
Why do we even ask for forgiveness? Try asking this question to yourself or someone you know, and you will probably hear in response something like: “Because I was wrong/mistaken,” or “It was the only right thing/ mature/responsible decision." This is the problem: such motives do not reflect what an apology should achieve.
It is believed that if you do this, it means that you have offended someone, upset someone, let them down, or upset someone’s emotional balance. Therefore, the main goal should be to try to restore it, repair the emotional damage and receive sincere forgiveness. For an apology to be effective, it must be focused on the other person's feelings and needs, not our own. Often we don't try to help others feel better, we strive to make ourselves feel better.
The Key to Effective Apologies
The most important of these components that we often forget is the expression of empathy. In order for another person to forgive us, he must see that we were able to realize and experience for ourselves everything that we made him go through. Doing this convincingly is more difficult than it might seem. Let's look at this with an example.
Example
Situation
You've had a hard day at work and you return home in a terrible mood. It's late and you feel too groggy and irritable to go to a close friend's birthday party. In addition, it seems to you that in such a state it is better to stay away from people and there is no need to spoil the mood of others. You wake up the next morning with a crippling sense of guilt, which gets worse when you start to analyze the situation and realize that you didn’t even call your friend to let him know you weren’t coming.
Solution
What do you need to consider to make an apology effective? Before you continue reading, make your list of points that you would mention in a conversation with a friend.
Made up? Five Keys to an Effective Apology:
- Excuse me please.
- I'm really so sorry! I didn't come to your birthday yesterday.
- I had a terrible day, I was literally exhausted and just went home to sleep. But this in no way justifies the fact that I did not show up without even warning you about it.
- I can only imagine how upset and disappointed you were, how hurt you were and how angry you could be with me. I know how important this holiday was for you and how much effort you put into preparing it. You were probably waiting for my appearance and were worried. I hope you were able to enjoy the holiday, but I feel guilty that my selfish behavior may have affected your mood. I regret that as a friend I could not be there and share the holiday with you.
- I understand this may take some time, but I hope you can forgive me.
Although admitting your mistakes may not seem easy, it will not only help improve your relationship, but also ease your feelings of guilt. Remember that expressing empathy takes practice and is worth learning. In addition, if you remember that you don’t have to do this, as you were once forced to do as a child, but want to because you sincerely regret it and the relationship is important to you, it will be easier for you to choose the right words.
