A wedding according to national traditions is, as a rule, a very beautiful and spectacular event. For such a holiday, guests try to select not only appropriate outfits, accessories and gifts, but also congratulations for the bride and groom. If you are going to a real Jewish wedding, be prepared to make an original toast that will delight not only the newlyweds, but also their many guests.
Dear newlyweds! Well, we waited for your wedding and are now incredibly happy! Like real Jews, I want to wish you that you will be able to multiply today’s gifts a hundredfold, and put the money that was given to you into circulation for the benefit of your family! After all, a real Jew can do this easily, and if he has a wife, then it will be twice as easy for him! Bitterly!
A Jewish youth comes to the rabbi:
Rebbe, I want to marry Sarah.
Well then, get married.
So she doesn't see well.
So this is good: you will come home drunk, and she won’t even notice.
That's true, but she's also deaf.
You don’t understand your happiness: swear as much as you want - she won’t hear!
That’s also true, but she’s also mute.
What could be better than a silent wife?
Rebbe, but she’s also hunchbacked!
-In my opinion, you are just impudent! - The rabbi cannot stand it. - Do you want to have a wife with absolutely no flaws?!
After such words it is impossible to look at our bride: she sees everything, hears everything, and besides, she is slim, smart, beautiful! In a word, only shortcomings! I don’t know how the groom decided to take such a bride as his wife? For the bride!
A Jew bought two lottery tickets and one of them turned out to be a winner. A big win - a car! But the Jew has no joy at all; he walks around terribly upset. His friend asks:
Heim! Has anything happened to you?
Yes, I bought two lottery tickets and one turned out to be a winner. I received a car using it.
So this is wonderful! Why are you moping?
I scold myself all the time: why did I buy a second ticket?
Perhaps this man will seem funny to some, but, in my opinion, he is simply economical and thrifty. Let's wish young people to be just as economical and thrifty!
One Jewish parable tells how a rabbi talked to the Lord about the fate of married couples after death. The Lord said, “I will show you.” He led the rabbi into a room that was full of exhausted people. They held very long spoons in their hands, and their faces expressed despair. The appearance of the people was all the more strange, since they were sitting around a large table, in the center of which stood a huge smoking pot. From it came the tempting smell of meat. There was enough meat in the pot to feed all the people gathered in the room. The length of the spoons allowed us to reach the food, but did not allow us to put it in our mouths. People were starving, their suffering was unbearable, especially since food was very close. The Lord said: “This is Hell, and married couples who constantly quarreled with each other during their lives end up here. Those who live in harmony go to Paradise."
And the Lord led the rabbi into another room, which was no different from the previous one, only the faces of the people in it were happy. They looked well-fed and were having a lot of fun. “But what's the matter? - asked the rabbi. “Why are some unhappy while others are having fun?” “The fact is,” the Lord answered, “that the married couples in the second room learned to feed each other during their lifetime.”
So let's drink to our young people taking care of each other, and then they will find happiness not only on Earth, but also in eternal life!
A young Jew comes to Baron Rothschild and says:
I have a business proposal for you. It will bring each of us 300 thousand.
It's good money. What kind of proposal?
I heard that you are giving 600 thousand for your daughter, so I agree to take her for 300.
Let's drink to the bride, who is more valuable than all treasures!
Two Jews meet.
Do you know who Isaac Levitan was?
Who was Abraham Lincoln?
Also no.
And I know, because every evening I go to a lecture or to a museum.
Well done. Just answer me: do you know who Moisha Khaimovich is?
No. Who is he?
And this is the one who visits your wife while you wander around lectures and museums.
Let's drink to the fact that our young husband has enough time for everything: both for education and for his beautiful wife!
A tour of paradise is underway. Tourists look: an old Jewish woman sits in the corner and knits a sock. People came up and began to thank me: “Thank you for your son. You gave birth to the greatest man in history." She looked at them sadly and said: “And Joseph and I really wanted a girl...”
Let us drink to the young people and wish them many children: both boys and girls!
A young man and an elderly Jew are traveling in a train compartment. Going to bed, the young man asks:
Can you tell me what time it is? The elderly Jew, without answering, turns to the wall and falls asleep. In the morning the young man asks in surprise:
Why didn’t you tell me what time it was yesterday?
You see,” the Jew answers. - I would tell you what time it is, you would tell me that you are also going to Berdichev. We would talk. I see you are a nice person, I would invite you to my place. At home I have a beautiful daughter, Rose. She would set the table and sit with us. You would fall in love with her and ask me for her hand in marriage. Tell me, why do I need a son-in-law who doesn’t even have a watch?
Let's drink to the groom, a successful man who already has everything, including a watch. And now - also a beautiful wife!
Jewish wedding toasts are usually very ironic and original. Having chosen such a toast as a congratulation, do not forget to add a few words from yourself: the newlyweds will certainly like and remember your congratulations!
Joke about Jews
5
Chaim married Dora, but after a while he began to hang around her younger sister Tsili. His father-in-law Abram reprimands him:
- Chaim, how are you behaving?
- But, Abram Moiseevich, if, God forbid, it were not said in front of him that Dora would have died, would you have allowed me to marry Tsila?
- Of course, that’s what our custom dictates.
- Well, are you still sorry that Dora is still alive?
A very rich Odessa dentist, Rabinovich, emigrates to America.
Since it is not possible to take all his fortune abroad, he sold all his property and made himself five pairs of precious dentures. The cost of these prosthetics far exceeds the legal limit that can be carried through US Customs.
He arrived safely in New York and, when a customs officer asked him why he needed five pairs of false teeth, Rabinovich explains:
- Jews who keep kosher keep two sets of dishes: one for meat, the other for dairy. I am so religious that I also keep two pairs of teeth: for meat food and for dairy food.
The customs officer was slightly surprised, but said:
- O"key! For this you need two pairs of teeth. How about three more pairs in your suitcase?
An Odessa woman of Balzac's age says to another:
- I’m really upset for today’s youth! Where is the world going?! I don’t even know where to start... Well, you know, Borya came to us from Zhitomir yesterday. Our cousin's nephew. I tried so hard to assemble the table, and I finally prepared his favorite mincemeat! I set the table, Rose, there was something to see! They ate with my Abrash and drank. Rose, you know my Abrash. When it comes to drinking, he doesn’t know any limits at all. Dinner was over, we all went to bed, but Abrasha actually fell asleep! That's it, it's quiet at home, we're all sleeping! Through Abrasha’s snoring I hear Borya tossing and turning on the sofa in the next room. Everything is tossing and turning. I started tossing and turning too. And, can you imagine, here I hear this sick young man Borya timidly asking:
- Aunt Sarah, can I?
No, of course, at first I thought, how is this possible? After all, my Abrash is snoring next to me... And then, I think, Abrash won’t even be lifted by a steam locomotive until the morning... And I say:
- Yes, Borya, you can! Just do everything quickly.
And he did! Rosette, if I tell you what he did, at first you won’t believe your ears, and then you’ll faint! This potsmontek got up and gobbled up all the remaining forshmak!
Rabinovich explains:
- You see, very religious Jews also keep separate dishes for meat and dairy especially for Passover. I’m so religious that I keep a separate pair of teeth for this!
“Oh, you are really very strong in your faith if you so zealously observe all religious traditions,” said the customs officer. - However, let me ask you, what else is the fifth pair for?
Rabinovich looks around worriedly, motions to the customs officer to come closer, leans towards him and whispers:
- You know, to be honest, sometimes you really want to chew a piece of bacon...
210
A Jew comes to the rabbi:
- I already have ten children and a pregnant wife, I cannot feed such a crowd!
Rabbi:
- This can be helped. We open the wise book of the Talmud on page 2326 and read: “If a Jew has many children, his wife is pregnant, and he does not want them anymore, then he must cut off one egg.”
In a year:
- I cut off one egg, and my wife is pregnant again!
- We open the wise book of the Talmud on page 2327 and read: “If one egg is cut off from a Jew, and his wife is pregnant again, then he must cut off the second egg.”
Another year later:
- I cut off the second egg, and my wife is pregnant again!!!
- We open the wise book of the Talmud on page 2328 and read: “If both eggs of a Jew were cut off, and his wife is pregnant again, then the eggs of the wrong Jew were cut off!”
On Deribasovskaya:
Moishe, where are you running like this?
- I hasten to pay off my marital debt,
- So you live in the other direction!
- Oh, I can’t take it there anymore!
In Odessa, an apartment is opposite the windows of a hostel.
Conversation in it:
- Abram, and Abram, let's buy curtains!
- Why, Sarah?
- You see, opposite us are the rooms of young students. I'm afraid they might see me!
- Sarah, if they see you, they will buy curtains themselves!
260
Fathers decide what to do.
German:
- Hail Hitler!
One child stood up.
-This is my!
Gone.
The Russian took one child.
Jew:
- What makes you think it’s yours?
She gave birth to a German, Jewish, Russian woman. The children were mixed up.
Fathers decide what to do.
German:
- Hail Hitler!
One child stood up.
-This is my!
Gone. The Russian took one child.
Jew:
- What makes you think it’s yours?
- When the German shouted “High Hitler,” my fists clenched, and yours crap.
Syoma, you know that when you are not there, they say such things about you at Privoz!..
- Oh, I beg you! Tell them that when I’m not there, they can even beat me!
Old - old - old Odessa joke:
- Abram, your wife is a f*ck!
- And yours?
- Well, still...
Little Moishe comes home, approaches his mother, and says:
- Mom, mom, today at school I wrote in the “Nationality” column
I'm Russian!
- Son, what did you eat for lunch every day?
- Chicken
- Well, now you will eat potatoes, like all Russian children.
Moishe was upset and went to dad, thinking maybe dad would approve. Fits
to dad:
- Dad, dad, today I wrote in the “Nationality” column at school
I'm Russian!
- Son, what did you drive to school every day?
- By car dad!
- Well, now you will ride the tram, like all Russian children
Moishe, completely upset, approaches his grandfather, in case he approves:
- Grandfather, grandfather, today I wrote in the “Nationality” column
I am Russian!
- Granddaughter, how much pocket money did you receive for school every day?
- steward grandfather!
- Well, now you will receive a ruble, like all Russian children
Moishe is completely upset and sits down with his family to have dinner. Everyone eats
chicken, winking at each other. Moisha eats potatoes. Mom is here
asks Moishe:
- Well, son, how do you want to be Russian?
- B%%%, I’ve only been a Russian for a couple of hours, and I already hate you Jews!!!
Abram and Sarah make love. Sarah says:
- So, Abramchik, forward, forward, a little to the left, and now back up sharply!
Abram:
- Sarochka, are we fucking or parking?
Abram, what do you think about building a synagogue in a prison? There are already churches and mosques there.
- Oh, Izya, don’t be ridiculous, if a Jew is in prison, then he’s not a Jew, let him go to church.
Abram returns from a business trip, enters the room, sees his wife and someone else under the blanket. The man gets up, gets dressed, and silently sneaks past Abram, leaves.
- Sarah, who is this?
- I don’t know, some kind of boor. Neither you - hello, nor me - goodbye.
sectionJokes » Jokes about Jews
Odessa. Bringing.
- How much is your mackerel? - asks in a sing-song voice, drawing out the words,
customer.
- Fifty hryvnia per kilogram.
- Expensive.
- If it’s expensive, then take off your dress, throw yourself at the sea and catch it yourself,
so it will be free for you.
Abram and Sarah are going to the wedding:
Sarah:
- Abram, how much did you put in the envelope?
- Wait, what, the envelope itself isn’t worth anything anymore?
A hamburger without a patty, ice without Coca-Cola, ketchup without potatoes. In other words - Jewish weeks at McDonald's.
This joke is somehow not very...
So, two men are walking along the river bank, looking - a Jew is sitting and fishing, one man says: “Let’s go up to him and ask: “Well, is he biting?” If he says yes, we’ll say, the Jews are lucky, and if not, then we’ll say: that’s what you, Jews, need!” They come up and ask:
- Well, is it biting?
- Go to your f***ing mother!
“Yes,” says one man, “look, even among the Jews there are decent people.”
The old Jew is having lunch. A knife flies out of his hands, but at a distance of 2 cm, Evay catches the knife, saying:
- Not a single bastard will come to me now.
The doorbell rings.
A little boy stands on the threshold:
-Are you Uncle Izya?
- Yes!?
- Uncle Moisha came to you and asked you to tell him that he was stuck in the elevator.
This joke is somehow not very...
A young man comes to the surgeon:
-Doctor, please castrate me.
-Why do you need this?
-Doctor, I decided for myself, don’t ask unnecessary questions.
-God, you’re so young, you still have
whole life ahead! Think carefully!
-No, doctor, don’t even try to convince me. The money for the operation has been transferred to your account, so be so kind!
Operation was successfully completed. In the morning, the doctor, making a round, approaches the young man:
-How are you feeling?
-Thank you very much, doctor! No pain.
-Well, at least now can you explain the motives for your action?
-You see, doctor, I'm going to marry a Jewish woman.
-So this is circumcision!!!?
-What did I ask??????????
Jewish camp. Behind the net stands a little Jewish girl, wearing a tattered T-shirt with a Star of David. The girl is all so thin and hungry. A fat German walks from the other side of the net, sees a girl, points his finger at her
- Jew, Jew!!!
Girl to him:
- No, damn @, Texas Ranger!!!))))
Hey, don't hit me, I'm not a Jew, I just look intelligent!!!
Dialogue of two Jews:
- Rabinovich for you 100 rubles.
Rabinovich turning:
- Where?
In a Jewish shtetl, gendarmes search houses for conscripts evading military service. Old man Rabinovich is nervous and asks his family to hide him in the cellar.
- What do you have to be afraid of, at your age? - his wife reassures him.
- Yes? And generals are no longer needed in the army?
A couple comes to the doctor. The doctor asks: - Well, what do you have?
Wife: - Yes, doctor, my husband suffers from premature ejaculation.
Husband: - Me? I'm not suffering! She is the one who suffers.
Famous but funny
* * *
A young man was swimming in the sea and lost his swimming trunks. I dived and dived and instead of swimming trunks I took out a saucepan. He covered himself with this pan and went ashore. An unfamiliar girl was sitting near his clothes, reading a book and not about to leave. The young man (obviously not undergone psychological training) decided to start a conversation and hint to the girl to move away from his clothes. And the following dialogue took place between them.
- Girl, what are you reading?
- Logic.
– What is logic?
– Logic is a science that teaches you to guess other people’s thoughts.
– What am I thinking about now?
-You think your pan has a bottom. The guy gasped, his hands dropped. But the pan did not fall.
So let's drink to the strength that held the pan!
* * *
Khan ordered a portrait from the artist. And the khan was crooked in one eye and lame. The artist painted it without these defects. Khan was angry that the artist deviated from the truth. The punishment is death. The second artist, taking into account the mistake of the first, drew the khan as he is. Khan was again unhappy. “I am a warrior, and you portrayed me as a cripple!” And he executed the artist. The third artist painted the khan hunting. His short leg stood on a stump, he aimed at the deer, squinting his missing eye. Khan was pleased and richly rewarded the artist. So let's drink to telling your boss half-truths, but making them look like the truth!
And now two toasts that will clearly be different from all the others, and you will be noticed
* * *
First toast. Say it in a company where you are visiting for the first time, for example after a conference. Wait until you are asked to make a toast, and try not to speak during the feast. When they have already drunk to friendship, love, women, men, after they wish to meet again on this earth with the same composition, you rise and say:
“I want to make a selfish toast (after these words everyone immediately falls silent). Each person has his own social atom - these are people with whom he has warm emotional relationships. If something happens to the people whom I included in my social atom, my social death occurs, and this is much worse than physical death. I felt so warm with you that I included you all in my social atom.
I wish you health and long life!”
* * *
The second toast is appropriate in the company of friends. I said it at my friend’s birthday and, of course, I tried to do it at the end, since the first and last are best remembered. It’s hard to be first, but after all the praise, it’s easier to be last. I want to note that I would like you to have such a friend. And this book was written largely thanks to his support. But let's move on to the toast.
“I don’t understand what good you found in him! Look at him - fat, bald (naturally, we criticize him for his virtues - he’s just thick, and his receding hairline is barely visible), and harmful - you can’t imagine anything worse. Don't be outraged! I have the facts! Why did you put a brick in my bag and I carried it for a whole week? True, I also made you walk somewhere! Why are you defending him? Don’t you remember how on April 1st he set the psychiatric ambulance team on you?
So for a few more minutes, amid general laughter, I remembered all his friendly pranks and jokes, as well as how they made fun of him. And he ended with the following words:
“Even though you are harmful, I love you and wish you many years of a happy life!”
On the main holiday, on your birthday!
On a glorious holiday, only yours,
We want to wish you fun,
Wide smiles and a mountain of feasts!
If I were Japanese, with samurai blood in my veins,
I would give a chervonets, in gold Japanese yen
Or if I were a Georgian, with my cap pushed back to the back of my head,
I would be generous with wine - about a hundred bottles.
Let luck guide you
And kindness never lets go!
Let luck always rule you,
And the beauty of the soul does not fade away!
If I were a Jew, my sidelocks would flap in the wind,
I took out a loan from you at one hundred percent in the name of your mother-in-law
Here I am a Chukchi in Chukotka and tending a herd of deer,
Then I’ll give you some tights, I’m sure everyone will be happy.
If I were an American, very fat, very proud
Like a rich foreigner, he took you for a ride in a Ford
Still, I’m an ordinary Russian, you know, I know too,
So simply, artlessly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I raise my glass to express my warm feeling, warmed by the drinks, to the hero of the evening - N. and congratulate him on his birthday. I wish you to be like light, live for two hundred years, sing songs and be thrilled with love.
Let's ring out a loud "Hurray!" in his honor.
In one mountain village there is such a legend: when a child is born, God kisses him. God will kiss the child on the mouth, and he will grow up to be a magnificent speaker. kisses your hands, you will grow up to be a jack of all trades. So let's drink to the birthday boy, because even God himself doesn't know where he kissed him.
One of the eastern sages said: “It is easy to make people know you, but it is difficult to truly know yourself.”
I want to wish my son to know himself. This will help him achieve the noble goal that he has set for himself. Happy birthday, son!
Look at the world, my friend!
How cool it is all around!
Smile, close your eyes
And say: How happy I am!
Let us ask ourselves: what is a real woman? A real woman is one who knows how to preserve her husband's love for the rest of her life, and this means a lot - a loving wife, a wonderful person, a good housewife, a caring mother. I raise a glass to the hero of today's occasion, dear N.!
There is an old New Year's custom: how you greet it is how you spend it. For the birthday boy, a new year of his life begins today.
Let it be as fun as today's holiday.
Why is birthday only once a year? Because we have to prepare all year to congratulate you to the fullest.
Congratulations!
Happy Birthday! We wish you happiness, health, bread, salt, sugar, matches, soap, champagne!
I will give YOU a gift
In the constellations of letters, in the web of days
And suddenly YOU will smile
And the world will seem brighter!
But I’m an arrogant Latvian and I don’t speak Russian,
I'll give you a box of schnapps and snacks for your birthday.
Imagine, I'm an Italian, in friendship with Don Corleone,
Eh, I’ll get pasta, pizza, pepperoni from the kitchen.
Imagine, you just have to smile
And YOUR dreams will come true
Don't be afraid, wake up by chance
From the dream of heavenly beauty
I'll give YOU a piece
Blue sky, sun ray
Like a little flower
How fortunately the long-awaited key
You'll see, this phrase
Suddenly it becomes real right away
And you want to live right away,
Laugh, believe and love!
Sorry, I'm late! I hope that during the time that I was gone, no one had time to wish you that every day of yours would be a holiday for which you would not be late, like me!
Don't drink water if you can drink wine!
Don't drink wine if you can drink good wine!
Don't drink good wine when you can drink very good wine!
And most importantly, don’t forget to drink so that you always have money for something better!
We wish you unwavering health, a hundred years of life, a pack of shares, a new car, good luck, a dacha and money to boot!
What could be the best wish?
This is, first of all, a wish for health of soul and body, a wish that love always blooms in the heart and celebration sounds
So let's raise our glasses and wish all this to our birthday boy!
I will give YOU a smile
And let her fly around the world
Suddenly, like a goldfish
Will you catch this smile
Happy Birthday! We wish you everything that is included in this small but beautiful word - happiness:
The sun is the brightest,
Health - the strongest,
Smiles are the happiest,
Love is the most faithful,
Friendship - the most devoted.
So let's drink to the birthday boy, thanks to whom such wonderful people like us have gathered.
Looking back at your age, remember - sex is not the main thing in our lives.
There are cases where people went without it for hours.
Happy Birthday, Andrey!
Guests gathered - more fun
You are handsome, smart and stately
And he is pleasant to talk to.
Be healthy and don't be sad
No matter what you meet on the way
And let the years fly -
Let's say together: No problem!
Happy Birthday, dear friend!
Peace in the soul - and peace around
Happiness, joy, luck!
Much love and respect!
Let the house be a full cup,
And everything you want in addition,
Tirelessness in everything
Health, happiness and good luck!
Buddy!
Use your mattress correctly
Money - under, women - on!
May you always have cash
What you spend it on is a personal matter.
Maybe you’ll buy a house, a car, a dacha,
And then you can treat your friends for change!
Happy birthday!
I wish you small changes in your anatomy
May your wings grow from happiness.
We wish you peace
Joy and laughter
Mutual love,
Devoted friends
Victories, discoveries,
Leadership, success
And many interesting
Bright days!
May you live a beautiful life,
I wish you a lot of beer
In mugs, in jars and in bottles,
Case of beer in the freezer
And so that you can cope with it,
We are already running to you!
I wish you a life of long days
So that you forget about doctors
So that it is deep, so that it is wide
And a wallet full of money!
I wish you to become infected with optimism
Be cheerful even on Monday morning
And also, go mountaineering,
After all, I wish you a MOUNTAIN OF MONEY!
Let everything in life be as it should be:
Love, confidence and friendship,
Striving for the goal and always luck,
Let your heart be warm!
May the star always shine
Which lights your way!
And may it never happen
Desires to turn away from that path.
Happy birthday
Let everything be with you:
Yacht, Bentley and servants,
The company is yours!
For business to develop,
The female gender to admire
In your life and destiny,
Everything was always ok!
Happy Birthday! We wish you health, love and warmth! May your life be interesting and long! Let there be comfort, peace, laughter and warmth in your home! You will meet good friends on your life's journey! Happy birthday!
On your birthday I wish
To be the coolest and most fashionable,
Be funny, a little drunk,
Be successful and desired!
Conquer any adversity
If they do sometimes!
Let there be abyss of success,
A bright star is shining!
___________(Name)! We congratulate you from the bottom of our hearts and wish you good health and eternal vigor, cherished happiness and untold wealth! Have a great mood and prosperity in all your endeavors! Happy birthday!
Our dear friend, Andrey,
Pour us some vodka quickly!
Need a drink now
Let's relax - just great!
Are you good at computers?
And not lacking in intelligence!
I've seen a lot in my life,
I learned a lot!
We want to wish you
So that you have enough strength for everything,
So that you win in everything,
Achieved personal goals!
Be happy, although it is sometimes not easy, be loved, because love always saves you from all troubles and adversity. I wish that such love will meet you on your way, only that you will be able to look at it and not let it go from your hands. Happy name day to you!
I don't care if we're together or not
I don't care if you're with her or with me
You eclipsed the whole world for me,
For me, you are the only one and mine!
On your birthday I will tell you:
There is no hotter fire in the world than yours!
You are forever alone in my destiny
So be happy!
A good wedding toast in prose and poetry:
The father of the bride speaks.
To begin with, I’ll tell you one story. The young man turns to the girl’s father:
- Why don’t you want to give your daughter to me? I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t play cards, I don’t wander around at night and, in general, I’m a decent person.
- Exactly! - says the father. “I don’t want you to be constantly made an example of me!”
I, of course, knew that my respected son-in-law was a very decent person! I also knew that comparing him to me would not be in my favor. And yet, for the sake of our daughter’s happiness, I was forced to agree to this marriage! I propose to raise a glass to my good son-in-law!
A Jewish youth comes to the rabbi:
– Rebbe, I want to marry Sarah.
- Well, get married.
- So she doesn’t see well.
“That’s good: if you come home drunk, she won’t even notice.”
“That’s true, but she’s also deaf.”
- You don’t understand your happiness: swear as much as you want - she won’t hear!
– That’s also true, but she’s also mute.
– What could be better than a silent wife?
– Rebbe, but she’s also hunchbacked!
- In my opinion, you are just impudent! – the rabbi cannot stand it. – Do you want to have a wife with absolutely no flaws?!
After such words it is impossible to look at our bride: she sees everything, hears everything, and besides, she is slim, smart, beautiful! In a word, only shortcomings! I don’t know how the groom decided to take such a bride as his wife. For the bride!
The child asks his father:
- Dad, I know that an unmarried man is called a groom. So?
- Yes, son.
-What do you call a married man?
- You are still too young to know such words!
It depends on you, newlyweds, what your marriage will be like and what our groom will be called in the future. Let us wish the young people that these words are so good that even children can pronounce them!
A nice wedding toast to the bride from the groom:
A good wife always knows what her husband needs. This is what folk wisdom says. On this wonderful holiday, I want to wish you, my dear, to sparkle with a radiant smile like the spring sun. Thank you for your kindness and generosity. For you, my love!
A nice wedding toast to your mother-in-law:
Let's raise our glasses again
And let's drink to your mother-in-law!
Well, how can you not honor him with a glass?
The groom's mother - she gave her a son,
She raised and cared for him.
And what a fellow! Good, pretty,
Similar to the sun. Thanks from the whole family!
And we will fill our cups and for health
Let's drink yours!
They say that in a good marriage, the husband is the head, and the wife is the heart she needs.
So let’s drink so that our young people will never have headaches or heartaches in life!
Wedding toast to mother-in-law:
Funeral procession. A lot of people. A curious man joins the procession and asks the men carrying the coffin:
-Who are you burying?
- Mother-in-law of our friend.
- Why are you carrying the coffin sideways?
- Specially. When we turn over on her back, she... starts snoring!
Snoring is generally a disgusting thing! Any person can confirm this, not just any son-in-law! I propose to drink to good mothers-in-law!
You all know Pushkin’s fairy tale “About the Fisherman and the Fish”. But it turns out there is a Jewish version of it.
Once upon a time there lived an old man and an old woman near the blue sea. The old woman's name was Sarah, and the old man's name was Abram. And they had everything: a good house, a German car, and a Japanese washing machine. So when the goldfish asked:
-What do you want, old man? Abram honestly admitted to her:
- Nothing.
But then he returned home, told Sarah about everything, and she attacked him:
- You are a fool, you simpleton! I would ask for a fish to make us Russian.
Abram went to the blue sea. He called the goldfish and gave it the old woman’s request.
- Don’t be sad, go with God! - the fish told him.
The old man returned home and saw this picture:
instead of a house there is an old wreck, instead of a car there is a rusty bicycle, and instead of a washing machine there is a broken trough. On the trough there is a note: “Abram! I went to the Jews. wash the clothes!”
This is the Jewish version of this fairy tale, but its essence is the same - you must be happy with what you have, then you will certainly be happy. And yet I believe that a person should not stop there, but always move forward. I suggest you drink to this seditious thought!
Popular wisdom says: It’s not the good housewife who speaks, but the one who cooks cabbage soup.” So let's raise our glasses to the newlyweds! May she always be an excellent housewife!
Women gathered to discuss one of life's most important questions: what does a man need to love his wife forever? The Englishwoman suggested dressing elegantly, then men would be conquered, the Frenchwoman preferred to undress more often in order to win her husband’s love. And the Russian woman prepared wonderful cabbage soup - and won. So let's drink to the young woman: let her be a good housewife!
There is a fairly effective way to make a marriage strong and happy. The husband and wife take a sheet of paper and, each separately, begin to fill them out. On the left half of the sheet the wife writes everything that is good about her husband, on the right - everything that she doesn’t like about him. The husband fills out his sheet in the same way. Next, the husband and wife tear off the right halves of the sheets, carefully glue them together and... throw it away! And each spouse memorizes the left half and repeats it every day. There is no person about whom there would not be something to write on the left half of the page, especially when it comes to our newlyweds. I propose to drink to all the good that is in our groom and our bride!
Nice wedding toasts and wedding congratulations
A collection of wedding toasts and wedding congratulations for any person.
Source: pozdravlyandiya.ru
The best Toasts for a wedding
The best Toasts for a wedding in poetry and prose
The best Toasts for a wedding:
Toasts for the wedding
Once I was walking at my brother’s wedding: so, on their wedding night, the newlyweds read the fairy tale “Ivan the Tsar’s Son” and after the allotted time, a beautiful baby was born to them! I also went to my sister’s wedding: there, on their wedding night, the newlyweds read the fairy tale “Marya the Mistress” and soon she gave birth to a beautiful daughter! There was an incident: I was attending a friend’s wedding: the newlyweds were reading “Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs” at night. And what do you think? Now they already have 7 sons and a sweet daughter!
So let’s drink to our newlyweds reading the fairy tale “Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves” today!
A man asks God:
- Lord! Why did you create women so beautiful and at the same time so stupid?
– Beautiful – so that you men can love them. And the stupid ones - so that they can love you, men. If a woman is beautiful and intelligent, it is, of course, difficult for her to love a man. This man must be exceptional. This is what our groom is.
Let's drink to our exceptional groom.
Once upon a time there lived a clear falcon. Nothing on earth attracted him, and he was more in the sky. But one day he saw a beautiful dove and fell in love. And now, no matter how high he flew into the sky, he always returned to his dove. So let's drink to the clear falcon - the groom and to the beautiful dove - the bride and wish that the threads of love that connected them be inseparable. For love for life!
If the rose is crimson,
If the heart is beating,
So, again and again,
Someone screams “bitterly”.
So, back in the world
Love rules.
For wonderful networks
My joyful toast again!
A toast to the wedding.
One ruler was asked:
– How do you maintain peace and tranquility in your state?
And he answered:
– When I am angry, my people are calm. When they are angry, I am calm. In other words, when I am angry, they calm me down, and when they are angry, I calm them down.
The family is a state in miniature. My toast is to preserve peace and tranquility in our families in this way.
Friends congratulate you,
Your friendly family:
Let adversity fly away
And will fill your years
Happiness joyful light.
So that advice reigns in the family
Yes, love is stronger than steel.
You have become dearer to us.
If we are one family,
Let's drain the glass to the bottom
Toasts for the wedding
What happens in the first year of marriage? He speaks - she listens. Second year: she speaks - he listens. Well, in the third year: both speak - the neighbors listen.
So let's drink to our newlyweds living their whole lives like the first and second years, listening to each other! Then Love will show them the way to happiness!
Wedding toasts.
I would like to wish the newlyweds with all my heart that their lives will be as joyful and fun as this wedding. But a wedding is fun because the heroes of the occasion give others joy and fun and rejoice themselves.
I want to recommend this principle of reflection: love and be loved, give and be gifted as an important life principle.
Long live the bride and groom! Bitterly!
Dear guests! On this festive and joyful day, it is necessary to raise glasses with love and respect to those who, so to speak, are guilty of the guilt of the heroes of today's celebration - I mean the respected parents of our dear bride.
Look, different feelings are fighting in their hearts. Their faces are either sad at the thought of the upcoming separation, or joyful at the sight of the happiness of their precious child.
Dear parents of the bride, drive away sad thoughts, rejoice in the happiness of the newlyweds, because today you are also acquiring a son.
So let's raise a glass to the health and longevity of the newlywed's parents!
Two drunken men spent the whole day pumping up. But the booze was not enough, and then one of his friends suggested going to his house and asking his wife for money. That's what they did. When they entered the bedroom and turned on the light, they saw that some naked man was jumping on the hostess. However, what he saw did not in any way affect the husband’s determination to get money for the bottle.
“Listen, honey, you’ll give your beloved hubby money for one more bottle,” he lisped.
“Take the wallet on the nightstand and, for God’s sake, turn off the light,” his wife answered him.
Going out into the street, the friends counted the money. Great. There's enough here for two bottles.
So let's drink to the wives who always help out their husbands in difficult times.
The best Toasts for a wedding
The best toasts from the “Wedding Toasts” section.
Source: www.vampodarok.com
Toasts about Jews
- about duels 1
- about the smoke 4
- about melons 1
- about breathing 5
- about the devil 2
- about Thumbelina 1
- about the uncle 1
- about my uncle 9
- about woodpeckers 1
- about Jews 16
- about the euro 1
- about Europe 1
- about Eve 3
- about unicorns 2
- about the only ones 16
- about food 5
- about the hedgehog 1
- about the Christmas tree 7
- Toasts
- Toasts
- about Jews
Toasts about Jews
How do people go to birthday parties? A Russian with vodka, a Jew with cake, an Englishman with self-esteem. How do people leave their birthday? A Russian with a black eye, a Jew with a cake, an Englishman with self-esteem. What do they do at night? The Russian is sleeping, the Englishman is smoking a pipe, and the Jew says to his wife: “Sarah, let’s go to someone else’s birthday party before the cake dries!” Let's drink to the fact that our birthday boy has gathered a variety of people under his roof, and let each of them have fun as best he can!
The German has a wife and mistress. Loves his wife. The Frenchman has a wife and mistress. Loves his mistress. The Jew has a wife and a mistress. Loves mom. The Russian has a wife and a mistress. Loves to drink! So let's drink to real men!
The old Armenian president was about to die, ordered his subordinates to gather people at the door of his house and said: “My children, Armenians!” Diseases, hunger and poverty are not as terrible for our numerous people as the envy of neighbors and military conflicts! Therefore, take care of the Jews. If they are killed, they will take on us. So let's drink to the hope that all our commanders and politicians will be as far-sighted as this Armenian president!
One day a young highlander found himself in a compartment with a beautiful girl. He immediately began to look for a way to get to know her: “Tell me, what nationalities do you like men?” – I like Indians, they are so fearless, and Jews, because they are smart. The young man, without thinking twice, answered: “Allow me to introduce myself: Chingachguk Gogi Moiseevich.” So let's drink to the diversity of women's tastes!
The Chinese know, the Jew knows - the Red Army is stronger than all! He remembers Berlin, how from the Red Star he received pussy in the 45th! Kerzachi creaks and caps walk, submarines sail under the ice! It doesn’t matter that there are not enough guns and fuel, we will give the enemy a fucking shovel! Happy Holidays MEN!
Armenian radio asks: - What will happen if an Armenian starts suing a Jew? - The prosecutor will get 10 years. So let’s drink to not judge and not be judged.
A Russian, a Georgian and a Jew met. And we decided to celebrate this meeting. The Russian says: “I’ll go now and bring a box of vodka.” The Georgian says: - Great! And I'll bring the meat and cook the barbecue. The Jew says: “And I’ll go and bring it.” relatives! Let's live like Jews - always remember our relatives.
There were pharaohs and Jews. The pharaohs died out, the Jews remained. There were inquisitors and Jews. The inquisitors disappeared somewhere, the Jews remained. There were Nazis and Jews. The Nazis got the “tower”, the Jews remained. Now there are communists and Jews. - So what? - Like what?! The Jews have reached the finals! So let's drink to the finalists!
The Englishman has a wife and a mistress, but the Englishman, like a true gentleman, loves only his wife. The American has a wife and a mistress, but the American loves his mistress. The Frenchman has a wife and a mistress, and the Frenchman loves both. The Russian has a wife and a mistress, and the Russian likes to drink. And the Jew has a wife and a mistress, but the Jew loves his mother. So let's drink to our mothers, whom we love so much!
A Russian, a Georgian and a Jew met. And we decided to celebrate this meeting. The Russian says: “I’ll go now and bring a box of vodka.” Georgian: - Excellent! And I'll bring the meat and cook the barbecue. Jew: - I’ll go and bring it. mom! Let's always remember our mothers!
A Jew asks a Georgian: “Why is your dog so expensive?” Nearby is a purebred dog with a rich pedigree, and even then it costs much less? - Yes, because mine brings good luck. – How will you confirm this? - Buy it, then I’ll tell you. A Jew buys a dog, and a Georgian says: “I sell this mongrel every time, I get so much money, and three days later it is returned to me, and for free.” And after that, can you really say that it doesn’t bring good luck? So let's drink to the luck that we, Eastern people, catch thanks to our resourcefulness!
There's a fight in the synagogue. The rabbi exhorts the fighters: “Jews, is this a synagogue or a brothel?” Rabinovich slaps himself on the forehead, “That’s where I forgot my galoshes. “Let's drink to a good memory!
One wise Jew Moses said: “The most important thing is to be there!” - And pointed to the sky. Another wise Jew, Solomon, said: “The most important thing is here,” and pointed to his head. The third wise Jew, Jesus Christ, said: “The most important thing is here,” and put his hand on his heart. The fourth wise Jew, Karl Marx, said: “The most important thing is here,” and put his hand on his stomach. The fifth wise Jew, Sigmund Freud, said: “The most important thing is there,” and pointed below. To which the sixth wise Jew, Albert Einstein, stated: “No, guys, everything in this world is relative!” For the theory of relativity!
There's a fight in the synagogue. The rabbi exhorts the fighters: “Jews, is this a synagogue or a brothel?” Rabinovich slaps himself on the forehead: “That’s where I forgot my galoshes!” For not forgetting where you are!
Toasts about Jews
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