Perhaps our parents had a simpler life in a certain sense than we do now. In any case, the words “kindergarten” did not raise any strong doubts or such a barrage of questions as we see today. And the most delicate trout fish and luxurious ravak baths did not bother them. Attending kindergarten was nothing more than a “compulsory program” for most children. "Home" children, who were under the supervision of caring grandmothers, were an exception to the rule. Moreover, usually the social life of children began not even in kindergartens, but in nurseries. Let's not forget that maternity leave lasting three whole years is a relatively recent achievement.
The problem of choosing a kindergarten (and nursery) arose only for a few parents who had a real opportunity to choose at least something. The overwhelming majority were “free” from such troubles: a nursery and kindergarten in the yard, at the place of registration - and no frills.
Today the situation is completely different - more complicated and at the same time more interesting. The opportunities, and most importantly, the needs of parents have increased. We no longer want to send our child to “just any” kindergarten, but we want to find one where our child will be treated with respect, where they will find interesting activities for him, where he will be taught and developed - isn’t that right? And different kindergartens have appeared: in addition to the standard state ones, there are gardens focused on Waldorf pedagogy, the Montessori system, and there are simply various development centers. And ordinary state kindergartens, it seems, are participating in an unspoken competition for the most magnificent and enticing name: there was a simple yard kindergarten - and now it has become “with a predominant moral and aesthetic development of pupils” or something else like that...
Nowadays, people start thinking about kindergarten as soon as the baby is born. Does your child need kindergarten? And if necessary, which one - “artistic and aesthetic” or “physical education and health”? How to make sure that your child goes to this kindergarten with pleasure? And is it really worth complicating the situation, making such a fuss about the problem of choosing a kindergarten?
After all, whatever one may say, for most mothers the issue is resolved simply: the child needs to go to kindergarten because the mother needs to go to work. You can understand very well everything about the psychological characteristics of the child, the shortcomings of the kindergarten, etc., but not all parents have the real opportunity to stay at home with the baby, pay for the services of a qualified nanny, children's centers, clubs and early development schools.
And this is not at all a reason to worry, blame yourself for your financial insolvency and suffer from the fact that your precious child will be deprived of a happy childhood. Still, a kindergarten is a necessary thing (there are, however, exceptions, but more on them later). However, one cannot neglect the individual characteristics and interests of the child, “passing” him on to the first kindergarten he comes across, refusing to see the problems of adaptation, counting on the fact that “if he gets used to it, he will become stronger.” In order for a kindergarten to really turn out to be a pleasant and useful place for your child, you need to think carefully and understand why exactly you and your child need it, calmly evaluate all the pros and cons of a particular decision, and tune in to the fact that choosing a kindergarten and adaptation bringing a child to him is a significant and important job that can and should end in success.
Success does not mean “walks around like all normal children and doesn’t complain about anything.” Success is the developmental conditions that are optimally suited for your child and that correspond to your capabilities. It is possible to create such conditions, although not always very simple. And these days, marked by a constant rise in prices, if you wish, you can find a kindergarten that will delight you and your baby.
In the same way, even a child who finds it very difficult to adapt to kindergarten can establish a lifestyle in which there will be enough communication with other children and adults, developmental and sports activities.
The main thing is to take your time, not lose confidence in success, show flexibility and a willingness to look for and try different options. Then you will certainly succeed!
What's good about kindergarten??
Does my child need to go to kindergarten? They say that “home” children have a very difficult time adapting to school because they are not used to being in a group environment.
Until recently, it was believed that kindergarten was a truly necessary link in the development of every child. And indeed, “home” children often had difficulty adapting to school rules, to the rules of communication accepted in the peer group. Perhaps, these difficulties were explained primarily by the fact that there were very few such children; the overwhelming majority were “kindergarten” children. Often children moved in whole groups from the “yard” kindergarten to the same “yard” (that is, in the neighborhood) school. And if a child who spent the first seven years of his life under his mother and grandmother’s wing ended up in the same class, he, of course, had a hard time.
Today the situation is different. Children who have never attended kindergarten are no longer exceptions. In addition, the very concept of “kindergarten” these days is not as clear as before. In addition to the standard state kindergarten, there are a number of other options for “employment” of a preschool child. So children come to first grade with a wide variety of “baggage”: some went to a regular kindergarten, some went to some kind of Development Center, and some even stayed at home with a nanny.
And now, timid at first, but gaining strength, the voices of those who took it upon themselves to assert that “home” children were no worse than “kindergarten” children began to be heard. Of course, there are exceptions everywhere, but in general, a child raised at home, and not in an “institution,” may well be as developed, independent, proactive and sociable as a kindergarten student. Another thing is that for this, parents must not just “keep” their precious child at home, but work on developing all these qualities in him.
What exactly does attending kindergarten give a child? First of all, the opportunity to communicate with peers, inclusion in a group. You may be a staunch individualist, withdrawn and uncommunicative, but you need to remember: From about three years of age (and definitely from four years old!) a child needs to communicate with other children. And you must provide him with this opportunity.
Of course, in kindergarten, a child learns to communicate not only with other children, but also with adults. Until school age begins, parents, of course, remain the only truly authoritative adults in a child’s life. But the experience of communicating with teachers in kindergarten helps the child in the future to avoid difficulties in establishing relationships with school teachers. The baby learns that in addition to his mother, there are other adults whose opinions need to be listened to, and sometimes simply obeyed.
Naturally connected with this point is another: In kindergarten, the child learns certain rules of behavior and learns to comply with them. The word “discipline” evokes a rather negative attitude among many of us, since it is associated with the “equalizing” drill adopted in kindergartens and schools of the Soviet era. But if we ignore these associations and understand by the word “discipline” simply the ability to adhere to the necessary rules of human society, then we must admit: these skills are necessary for the child.
Finally, In kindergarten, the child receives opportunities for intellectual and physical development. Strictly speaking, the standard educational programs adopted in state kindergartens leave much to be desired: in many ordinary kindergartens there are not enough classes, and they are far from being conducted at the highest level. “Kindergarten” education alone is not enough for a child. In any case, parents should work with the baby themselves. But if a “home” child spends whole days exclusively in front of the TV screen, then in kindergarten he, of course, will receive incomparably more. Drawing, modeling, design, speech development, music classes and physical education - this minimal “gentleman's set” will be provided by the simplest state kindergarten. If you are lucky and find a really good kindergarten (there are also state-run ones) with a good, extensive program, you can count on your child being truly interested there.
Can I provide my child with all the conditions necessary for his harmonious development at home, without sending him to kindergarten?
In principle, this is possible. But only if you are really ready for this very, very serious work. The most difficult thing in home education is, perhaps, not the intellectual or physical development of the child. It is in these areas that a caring and educated mother can give her child much more than classes in kindergarten. It is much more difficult to create for a child all the necessary conditions for social development.
We have already talked above about the main advantages of kindergarten: the child gets the opportunity to communicate with peers and with adults other than parents, learns to behave “in society”, and to follow the rules. And if you do not want to send your child to kindergarten, you need to think carefully about how exactly you will provide your child with these opportunities.
A “home” child should spend a lot of time on playgrounds, playing with other children. In addition, it is very desirable to provide him with some kind of permanent friend of the same age - or better, several friends. You need to take him to visit and invite other children to your home.
This task is quite feasible. But we must not forget about another important point - the child’s communication with adults. It's no secret that women who prefer to stay home with their children until it's time to go to school often have a heightened sense of parental duty and a desire to be ideal mothers. Some rather unfavorable consequences follow from this laudable desire: such mothers are almost always convinced that they simply do not have the right to entrust their precious baby to someone else (and the category of “strangers” often includes all other people, including their closest friends , and grandparents).
If you do not send your child to kindergarten because you do not trust the teachers and believe that no one but you will be able to treat the child correctly, find the right approach to him, you urgently need to change this point of view! Of course, the child cannot be given away to the first available hands. But you can’t limit his world only to your own person. You need to understand that the child needs experience communicating with other adults, besides mom - even if this mom really is the best in the world!
If you don’t want to send your beloved child to kindergarten, send him to some club, section, or play group. Agree with one of your friends that from time to time your child will spend the day with her. The best thing is if among your friends there are young mothers like you. You can create a “visitation schedule”, taking turns hosting other children. Let your private “kindergarten” “work” only a few hours a day, at least a couple of times a week: this will already bring great benefits to the kids. They will learn to communicate with each other, and little by little they will get used to the fact that sometimes they have to obey not only their mother.
Suitable age: does it make sense to send your child to a nursery?
The most optimal age for going out into the world is four years old.. Yes, yes, no less! And please, try not to listen to the persistent advice of experienced grandmothers who are always ready to explain to us that “the sooner the better - the sooner you get used to it”! Because it's not true.
A one-year-old toddler, of course, can “get used” to the fact that for some reason his beloved mother has been replaced by someone else’s, not very affectionate aunt. To get used to it means to resign yourself and suffer in silence, reacting to stress “only” with frequent colds and other illnesses, bad mood, and decreased interest in the world around you. Such passive resistance is far from a trifle; it has a very negative impact on the further emotional, intellectual and physical development of the baby.
Today, most nurseries accept children only from one and a half years old. But this is also extremely early! One and a half years is the age when the so-called separation anxiety is just beginning to subside. Simply put, the baby is still too strongly attached to his mother and reacts very painfully to her absence, as well as to the appearance of strangers, especially if they try to get too close to him.
It’s no secret that “disadvantaged” children, that is, those who are not doing well at home, adapt best to nurseries. Kindergarten teachers know this very well. They sadly talk about the fact that in each group there are one or two kids who do not want to leave kindergarten in the evenings: parents come, call from the threshold of the group, and the child... turns his back, hides behind a shelf with toys. And the point here is not at all that the baby “played too much”, was too carried away by some of his important baby affairs.
For a one-and-a-half-year-old toddler, meeting his mother, the opportunity to cling to her tightly and not let go is the most important thing, by definition, due to age characteristics. Beginning at this age, the fear of unfamiliar adults gradually smoothes out, but does not completely disappear for quite some time (although different children differ greatly in this from each other). Interest in other children awakens in children only by the age of three. At the same time, at first they are drawn to older comrades, then they begin to be interested in those who are younger, and only last of all do they pay attention to their peers.
So, A nursery for one and a half years can be justified only by the most extreme necessity. Before you decide to send your child to a nursery, you need to go through all the possible options that allow you to leave your baby at home. Look for home work, try to negotiate with mothers you know that you will take turns “shepherding” your children. Believe me, there are no hopeless situations and if you wish, you can always find some alternative to the nursery.
It is a little easier for a two-year-old child to get used to the nursery. The general rule remains the same - early! But there are already quite a few exceptions to this rule. By the age of two, a child can be really very sociable, and if the kindergarten (especially the teachers!) is good, the child may like it there. In any case, you can try to take your child to a nursery if you are already convinced that he is not afraid of other children and adults, has the necessary self-care skills (knows how to use a potty, can feed himself), and experiences your absence without much suffering.
At the same time, you must observe the behavior, mood of the baby, and his state of health. If you see that your two-year-old is having difficulty adapting to the nursery, under no circumstances insist or persist in your intention to accustom him to the “institution” right now. The saying “if you endure it, you fall in love” does not work in this case! The negative experience of visiting a nursery will have an impact in the future: in a year or two, when “home” children come to the group and adapt to the kindergarten without any problems, your baby will still perceive the kindergarten as a place of imprisonment, will often get sick, cry in the morning and in the evenings.
In our case, the following folk wisdom applies: “The miser pays twice.” By sending a two-year-old to nursery who is not ready for it, you will gain nothing. Going to work will result in regular sick leave. It is much wiser to spend your time wisely: gradually, without haste, but persistently and consistently prepare your baby for kindergarten. This “investment” of your time and your care will pay off in full. This may sound banal, but still: what could be more valuable than the health of a beloved child - both physical and psychological?
Some mothers send their two-year-old children to nurseries not because they really need to go to work, but for “pedagogical” reasons: they say, in the group the child will be taught to be independent, he will develop faster, etc. Yes, talking all day long with other people’s aunts and being only one of fifteen to twenty of the same toddlers, your child will probably learn to hold a spoon and pull up his pants faster than his “at-home” peers. But is this important in itself? At home, he also learns independence, masters all these necessary everyday skills - but how could it be otherwise? This, of course, requires your attention, your work and your patience.
Let's be honest. When bringing a child to a nursery, we cannot even dream of some kind of individual approach, respect for the child’s personality, etc. Things are better with kindergartens, but nurseries cannot in any way be considered a place useful for the child.
Both the age characteristics of a two-year-old child and the quality of our nurseries, in general, lead to the following conclusion: wait, don’t rush! It has been proven that nursery students are often later characterized by less initiative in decision-making, since activity and emotionality are largely established in the first years of life.
Note to mom
A child who does not adapt well to a nursery or kindergarten does not necessarily demonstrate this clearly. He can behave quite obediently and even submissively, expressing his experiences in some indirect way. The most common form of passive resistance in toddlers is frequent colds.
But there are other points that you definitely need to pay attention to. This is sleep, appetite, the child’s behavior at home in the evenings, after kindergarten. In the first time after starting to visit a nursery or kindergarten, such “delights” as decreased appetite, difficulty falling asleep and even crying at night, domestic whims and a somewhat depressed or irritable mood can be considered “normal”. But if later three to four weeks the situation does not improve, we can say that the child does not adapt well to kindergarten or nursery.
In this case, it is advisable to save the child from attending kindergarten for the next year, and if this is completely impossible, try to soften his traumatic situation: leave him in kindergarten only for half a day, give him an additional day off in the middle of the week, look for a kindergarten or nursery with fewer children in Group.
These recommendations may not seem very realistic. However, the experience of many mothers shows that they can be done if desired. And the efforts are justified, because as a result, you preserve the mental well-being of the child, and therefore your own.
At what age is it best for a child to go to kindergarten?
We have already begun to answer this question. Let us repeat once again: most psychologists today consider four years to be the optimal age, and three years to be quite acceptable. By the age of three, the child is no longer afraid of being left without his mother for some time, begins to be interested in communicating with other children, and has self-care skills. But he will only truly enjoy playing with his peers when he is closer to four years old.
The ideal option is to gradually, without haste or presenting strict demands, begin introducing the child to kindergarten at three to three and a half years old. First, take him for walks with the kindergarten group, then leave him in kindergarten for half the day.
If it quickly turns out that the child does not mind spending time in a new environment, you can move on to a regular visit to kindergarten. If the baby does not express any special enthusiasm, there is nothing wrong with the fact that until the age of four he will attend kindergarten according to a “gentle” regime.
Don't worry about him falling behind his peers in some way. The main thing is that after three years he does not remain in a confined home space, alone with his mother or grandmother, but gradually expands the boundaries of the familiar world.
Note to mom
Here is a very important, albeit purely “technical” warning. All the advice given by psychologists, authors of various books and manuals (including the author of this article) regarding kindergarten is somewhat theoretical. Smooth, soft and unhurried adaptation to kindergarten is an ideal to which one can strive. But in reality, unless you have sufficient financial resources to enroll your child in a private “family” kindergarten (and most of us do not have such opportunities), be prepared for the fact that life will make adjustments to your ideal scheme.
And the first thing you will encounter is the queue. Yes, yes, the good old queue at kindergarten from the time of your own childhood. Just seven or eight years ago, mothers could really slowly move from one kindergarten to another, compare and choose the one that was better.
The birth rate in the country was low, kindergartens were empty and closed, and those that remained afloat were ready to accept almost everyone, regardless of registration in the desired microdistrict. (Nurseries, by the way, have always remained overcrowded, but there are much fewer of them than kindergartens.) Today there are more children, but the number of kindergartens has decreased - precisely in those “childless” years. And you need to register for the simplest, “yard” kindergarten at least a year before the child goes there. With the same gardens that are especially popular in your area, you can safely begin to “make friends” even during pregnancy.
In recent years, this practice has become increasingly common. At the age of two, the child is sent to a nursery, he gets used to it with difficulty, and the parents decide to leave him at home for another year. But under no circumstances do they take away the documents! They persuade the administration to “hold on to the place” and regularly pay the monthly bills in order to maintain the opportunity to send the child to kindergarten without any problems in a year or even two.
So draw your own conclusions. You need to look for a kindergarten in advance, at least a year in advance, ideally even earlier. Be active, don’t expect gifts from fate. While walking the streets with the stroller in which your newborn lies, meet the mothers of older children, find out what kindergartens they go to and whether they are happy with them.
In addition, the Internet can be of great help in finding a good kindergarten. There are ratings of schools and kindergartens on numerous “parental” websites. There you can find reviews about different kindergartens, groups, and development centers. In addition, you will have the opportunity to ask some specific questions and get the necessary advice.
The child doesn’t want to go to kindergarten at all...
Can any child be enrolled in kindergarten?
Doctors, psychologists and parents call some children “non-kindergarten children”. What is behind this definition? Are there really children who, under no circumstances, can adapt to kindergarten?
To be honest, there are probably no such children. The only question is how much effort the child and his parents need to put in for adaptation to kindergarten to take place, and whether these efforts are justified, that is, whether they need to be made.
Based on how kids adapt to kindergarten, they can be divided into three groups.
The first group are children who react to a change in environment with a real nervous breakdown. Frequent colds are almost always added to this.
The second group consists of children who do not show signs of nervous strain and “just” begin to get sick often.
The third group is children who get used to kindergarten without any problems or difficulties.
So, every second child belongs to the first or second group. Does this mean that only half of the children who go to kindergarten have a chance to “settle in” there, and all the rest should stay at home until school age? Of course not.
In most cases, adaptation problems are solvable, and it does not require very much time. Kindergarten is stressful for a child, but the stress is completely surmountable. Only the baby definitely needs help to cope with this new and very serious experience. Such a large number of children experiencing difficulties in adapting to kindergarten is largely due to their lack of preparation for a new way of life. You cannot throw a child into an unfamiliar environment, like water, in the expectation that he will immediately learn to “swim.” It is worth devoting time and attention in advance to preparing for visiting kindergarten, and then your baby will most likely end up in the third, safe group.
Despite all my efforts, the child still cannot get used to kindergarten. What explains this and what can be done?
Indeed, in some cases even careful preliminary work does not help. Despite all your efforts and good intentions, the child continues to protest in one form or another against attending kindergarten. What's the matter?
First of all, the baby may not yet have reached the appropriate age (we discussed this issue in detail above). In addition, as already mentioned, a child's attitude towards kindergarten can be greatly damaged by a bad experience visiting a nursery. A conditioned reflex can be triggered here: even a small child remembers (at least on a subconscious, emotional level) that he has already been within these walls and felt bad. If this is the reason, then it is best to postpone going “out into the world” for some more time (at least for six months), while continuing to maintain contact with the kindergarten during this period - go for walks, make friends on “neutral territory” with someone from the kids who go to the same group.
Difficulties in adjusting to kindergarten may also be due to the child’s temperament. Temperament is an innate characteristic; it cannot be changed, but, unfortunately, it can be suppressed and forcibly distorted. Sanguine children usually adapt to a new environment quite well, but choleric and phlegmatic children often have a hard time. Children with a choleric temperament turn out to be too active and noisy, but slow phlegmatic people can suffer even more - they simply cannot keep up with the others. And in kindergarten it’s important to keep up: eat on time, get dressed or undressed on time, complete some task...
Carefully observe your baby, ask the teacher about how exactly the child spends the day in the group. And if you decide that difficulties in adaptation are associated precisely with a temperament that is “inconvenient” for kindergarten, be sure to discuss this with the teachers. Explain to them that the child behaves in an “inappropriate” way not because he is guilty of something, but because he cannot do otherwise.
Do not hesitate to be persistent and firm, informing the teachers that your phlegmatic little one should under no circumstances be constantly teased, urged, and even more so scolded for being slow. Tell them (and, of course, keep in mind yourself) that under pressure from adults, a phlegmatic child only becomes even more slow and passive.
His nervous system functions in such a way that when there is excessive stimulation, the “emergency braking” is activated, and the child falls into real prostration. But if such a child is not disturbed, he knows how to finish what he starts, is calm and balanced, neat and reliable. As for slowness, it will gradually smooth out as the child grows and develops. The pace of activity of a phlegmatic person will still be somewhat reduced compared to sanguine people and especially choleric people - the pace, but not the effectiveness! While a hasty choleric person will twice pull on all his clothes inside out and upside down, and the teacher will finally change his clothes correctly, the phlegmatic child will just have time to fasten all the buttons correctly and neatly once and even, perhaps, tie his shoelaces.
All this must be explained to the teachers so that they remember: the less they tug and rush your “slow mover”, the faster he will “straighten out”, get used to the kindergarten environment and begin to have time to do everything he needs.
But what to do with those hasty choleric people who don’t sit still for a second and in general often resemble a small tornado? It is clear that such a temperament does not cause much enthusiasm among kindergarten teachers. But again, it is necessary to talk with the staff and explain that the baby is “rambunctious” not due to a lack of upbringing, but due to innate personality traits. Tell the teachers that it would be good for your “hurricane” child to be involved in some kind of active activity if possible. If he scattered toys, he will probably collect them with the same pleasure and speed - if you ask him and not force him. As a rule, in kindergartens, children are still allowed to move quite freely - to run and jump (they are allowed, if only because it is impossible to force twenty three-year-olds to sit on chairs for a long time and quietly!).
If you come across very strict teachers who require children to stand in one place during walks or walk back and forth in pairs, well, in this case it is best to look for other teachers. (This, by the way, applies not only to the problems of choleric children! Drilling, suppression, and severe restriction of natural activity are harmful for any child, regardless of temperament.)
Finally, when looking for the reasons for your child’s poor adaptability to kindergarten, think about this: do you easily adapt to new conditions? Do you like to be in noisy companies? If a child grows up in a society of closed, less sociable parents, then most likely he himself will prefer quiet games alone. An ordinary crowded kindergarten may indeed be contraindicated for such a child, but at the same time he should under no circumstances be left in isolation! It certainly needs to be “brought into the light”, although this must be done unobtrusively and carefully, in small “doses”. It’s a good idea to place such a “recluse” in a play group where there are few children and where you don’t have to spend the whole day.
Who's better off staying home?
Children who are weakened, often ill (even before any kindergarten!), or children with an unstable nervous system should not be sent to an ordinary, standard kindergarten. This does not mean that such children should not be sent anywhere at all. You just need to take into account that if your baby is not very healthy, this means he is hypersensitive and vulnerable. You need to approach him with special caution, and choose a kindergarten even more carefully than in the case of an “ordinary” (if there are such a thing in the world!) child. There are special health-improving kindergartens, but you should not rely on the name alone: if there are fifteen people in a group and one teacher for two shifts, visiting such a kindergarten will not bring your child much health benefits.
If you don’t plan to spend the next few years on sick leave to care for your child, put off your dreams of a kindergarten for the time being and start “healthing” your baby yourself: watch his routine and nutrition, take more walks, if the doctors allow, start tempering him. Try to find opportunities for the child to attend some kind of “development school” or play group at least a couple of times a week. If this is absolutely impossible, at least go out with him so that he can little by little break away from you and learn that the world around him is wide and not dangerous.
From year to year, more and more parents begin to refuse to spend time with their children. Some do this because they themselves or friends have negative experiences, others have read that they can only harm their health, and others cannot explain the reason at all. It doesn’t matter what the reason for the refusal was, but most often the parents of such children expect problems with enrolling in kindergarten. Is there a way to fix something?
We should start with the fact that unvaccinated children have the same right to a place in kindergarten as vaccinated children. First of all, one should be guided by Federal Law No. 157-FZ “On Immunoprophylaxis of Infectious Diseases”. It is he who says that parents have the opportunity to refuse vaccinations if they consider them unnecessary for the child. The main thing here is the presence of a written refusal, which will confirm that from the moment it is signed, responsibility for the consequences falls on the parents and the medical worker at the clinic notified them about this.
What should you do if your child is refused admission to kindergarten? To begin, arm yourself with information on the topic and act confidently.
Problems can begin already at the clinic, where the mother may be refused to issue the documentation necessary for the child to undergo a medical examination in order to submit documents to kindergarten. In this case, it is necessary to write an application for its issuance in two copies: the first is left at the hospital, and the second - at home, with a note indicating acceptance of the application. If such a mark is not provided (which happens often), you need to send the application by registered mail with notification. This notification will be proof that the hospital received the letter. After a few days, you should return to the hospital to obtain documents. If they refuse again, you can safely go to the prosecutor’s office and write a statement about the unlawful actions of hospital employees. There is no need to be afraid of refusal; the law in this situation is on the side of the parents.
Next comes a kindergarten, where they may refuse to accept a child, citing the fact that he is unvaccinated and will infect vaccinated children. Here it would also be logical to mention the law on immunization, in particular Articles 5 and 11, which regulate the possibility of refusing vaccinations and the refusal of parents to vaccinate minor children. It is important to act persistently and confidently, and not to be fooled by provocations. There is no need to go to the head doctor, the health station or other authorities to obtain permission to visit a kindergarten if the director sends you there. These actions are unlawful towards the child. Let the head or her deputies introduce a law that prohibits an unvaccinated child from attending kindergarten. But there is no such law! You can also warn in a calm tone that you intend to see this matter through to the end, even if everything has to be resolved through the courts. Usually it does not go to court, since this case is a losing one for the kindergarten from the very beginning.
The most important thing in this matter is perseverance and the desire to protect the rights of your child.
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The child went to kindergarten and the parents immediately had a number of questions. Most often they relate to the baby’s health, the stage of his emotional state during the period of getting used to the new atmosphere, and of course – health. During the period of adaptation of the child to new, unusual conditions for him, a runny nose, mild colds, and cough may appear. Faced with such problems, young parents ask the question: “Is it possible to take a child to kindergarten with snot?” Let's try to consider all the possible causes of a runny nose, and answer the question - is there a practice that a child can still be sent to kindergarten with snot or is it better to stay at home even when a runny nose is not a consequence of an infectious disease. Causes of snotOf course, every parent understands that a runny nose is only a symptom of a disease, and therefore, before sending a child to kindergarten, it is necessary to identify the cause.
Common causes of runny nose in children under 5-6 years of age include the following:
In addition, a runny nose may be a consequence of the baby’s adaptation to the unusual conditions of the kindergarten. This arises because not all preschool institutions comply with the basic standards of ventilation, hardening and taking children out for walks. In addition, there are a lot of children entering kindergarten, and the child can simply be infected, because not every infectious disease manifests itself from the very first days. You can independently determine the cause of a runny nose in a baby only if you know for sure why the snot began to appear. For example, the day before, your baby interacted with a cat whose fur causes allergic reactions in him or the child was found to have adenoids, and as a result of hypothermia of the nasopharynx, mucus suddenly appeared from the nose. You can go into the garden with snot only when you are one hundred percent sure of the nature of the mucous discharge, and it is in no way related to infectious or viral illnesses. In all other cases, before visiting kindergarten, you will have to take your baby to see a pediatrician. A mandatory visit to a doctor is due to several reasons. Firstly, you can make sure for yourself that there is no reason to worry and, after taking your baby to kindergarten, you can spend your time calmly at work. Secondly, you will provide the nurse at the preschool institution with a certificate stating what exactly caused the baby’s runny nose. And lastly, answer the questions that other parents have about why your baby with snot is among children. Very often, it is the indignant parents who become the reason that the attitude towards your child changes, and in a small group he becomes a kind of “target” for peers and their parents. If the child is really sick and can infect others, the pediatrician will issue you a sick leave note and prescribe treatment. Of course, you cannot go to kindergarten with an acute respiratory infection or ARVI, even if the baby does not have a fever. To lead or not to leadIt is clear that parents bring a child with snot to kindergarten out of their own despair. Not all mothers and fathers have grandmothers nearby who can sit with the baby while he gets rid of his runny nose. And what can we say about the situation of single mothers, who need to provide food for their child and clothe him? As a result, a child ends up in kindergarten with snot. Morbidity statistics in preschool institutions are disappointing. Children with reduced immunity, especially in younger groups, go to kindergarten every other week during the off-season or during the onset of cold weather. Checking the temperatureIf you find signs of a runny nose in the morning, do not rush to conclusions - be sure to measure the temperature, pay attention to how the child is feeling in general, whether he is capricious, and whether he had a good breakfast. If your child simply “sniffs” when you bring him to kindergarten, be sure to notify the teacher or nurse. At the first signs of a deteriorating condition, they will definitely call and summon you, taking the necessary measures, including isolating the child from the team. It is a mistaken opinion that in a group where children appear with mild signs of a cold or with a residual runny nose, the body’s protective properties against viral and infectious diseases are better formed. It all depends on the child himself. If his immunity is weak, just a few minutes of communication with an unhealthy peer will be enough for him to catch a fairly serious disease. Therefore, be sure to think not only about your child, but also about the team in which he is located. No one likes the situation when an absolutely healthy child comes home from kindergarten lethargic and capricious, with obvious signs of an incipient ARVI. AllergyIn the case when the runny nose is allergic, caused by pathological changes in the nasal septum or because the baby is teething, you can go to kindergarten. Ask the teacher or nurse to treat the baby more attentively during this period, if necessary, wipe or bury the nose, and be sure to bring a certificate from the pediatrician indicating the cause of excessive nasal discharge. However, if in the morning you notice all the signs of an impending illness, it is categorically not recommended to go to kindergarten with snot, because your child’s health is already at risk. What if they don't let me in?An interesting fact: in Europe, doctors serving preschool institutions do not prohibit children with snot from going to kindergarten, giving parents the opportunity to make a decision at their own discretion. Can a child with a runny nose not be allowed into a preschool in our country? The Ministry of Health does not consider a specific symptom as a refusal to admit a child to kindergarten, but establishes some sanitary and epidemiological standards. This is a decree from the Chief State Doctor of the Sanitary and Epidemiological Service No. 24 of March 26, 2003. The document stipulates that every morning, when admitting children to the group, teachers are required to interview parents about the health status of each of them. The nurse performs a daily examination, which includes taking the temperature, examining the skin and pharynx. The standards provide for measures that medical staff can take at their own discretion - either prohibit a sick child from going to kindergarten, or isolate the child if manifestations of the disease are detected during the day. Prevention of a runny noseEvery parent understands that if a child attends kindergarten, the risk of acquiring viral or infectious diseases increases. You can protect your baby from infection as much as possible by regularly carrying out a number of preventive measures. One of the important preparatory measures is the seasonal flu shot recommended by pediatricians. Vaccination is not included in the mandatory vaccination schedule, but if parents express a desire, it can be done at the children's clinic completely free of charge. If you take such a preventive measure every fall, your child will not be afraid of any runny nose. It will be possible to go to kindergarten all year round, without paying attention and without being afraid of peers with snot. The only warning before vaccination is that if you are vaccinating your baby for the first time, you will need to give two injections with a break of 4 weeks. A number of preventive measures also include:
Of course, no one can give you a complete guarantee that your child will never get sick. But if you apply preventive measures regularly, snot will bother your baby much less often. And most importantly, at the first sign of a cold, do not try to cure your baby yourself. Before taking your child to kindergarten with snot, be sure to visit a pediatrician, find out the reason for its appearance, recommendations on whether the child can attend a preschool institution, and what treatment should be received. The question of whether it is possible to go to kindergarten with otitis media is still relevant today. Experts' opinions on this matter vary; some believe that attending a preschool institution is possible only after complete recovery, others argue that you should wait until the ear pain subsides and the body temperature returns to normal. It is very important to know the peculiarities of the course of the inflammatory process in the ear, especially for young parents. Some types of otitis are a categorical contraindication to visiting kindergarten.
Should I take children to kindergarten if they have otitis media?Whether it is possible to attend a preschool institution with this disease is decided solely by the attending physician. It is impossible to answer the question specifically, since it depends on the individual characteristics of the child’s body and the course of the pathological process. According to statistics, otitis media is the most common. Ear inflammation in childhood can occur in different ways. Some children experience the disease negatively, suffering from unbearable ear pain and fever. Others may only experience slight congestion or mild, short-term pain in the ear. If a child has reduced immunity, otitis will occur “in all its colors,” that is, with all its inherent symptoms.
Under no circumstances should you take your child to kindergarten if at least one of the following signs is present:
If otitis occurs against the background of a cold or infectious disease (for example, sore throat), then going to the garden is strictly contraindicated. Then the child needs to be provided with physical rest, plenty of fluids and adequate treatment prescribed by the otolaryngologist after ear otoscopy.
Opinion of most experts
The opinion of most otolaryngologists is that during otitis, it is advisable to stay at home. If otitis media occurs in a complex form, carry out full treatment prescribed by the doctor and ensure the baby rests. Even if the ear infection occurs in a mild form and the child feels well, it is still not worth the risk and sit at home for a couple of days until complete recovery. Please note that a ban on visiting educational institutions does not imply a contraindication to going outside. In warm sunny weather, the child can be taken for a walk in the fresh air. This measure will even be beneficial and will certainly speed up the healing process. Neglecting the advice of doctors can provoke the following:
Precautionary measuresIf your doctor approves you to go for walks and visit kindergarten, you should not forget about precautions that will help reduce the risk of complications:
ConclusionOf course, the last word will remain with the parents. Experts strongly recommend staying at home during the period of illness and giving the baby time to fully recover. Inflammatory process in the ear is possible, provided that the therapy is properly prescribed. Do not risk the health of your children, do not self-medicate and follow the advice of your doctor.
What's good about kindergarten?Does my child need to go to kindergarten? They say that children from home have a very difficult time adapting to school because they are not used to being in a group environment. Until recently, it was believed that kindergarten was a truly necessary link in the development of every child. And indeed, “home” children often had difficulty adapting to school rules, to the rules of communication accepted in the peer group. Perhaps, these difficulties were explained primarily by the fact that there were very few such children; the overwhelming majority were “kindergarten” children. Often, children moved in whole groups from the “yard” kindergarten to the same “yard” (that is, in the neighborhood) school. And if a child who spent the first seven years of his life under his mother and grandmother’s wing ended up in the same class, he, of course, had a hard time. Today the situation is different. Children who have never attended kindergarten are no longer exceptions. In addition, the very concept of “kindergarten” these days is not as clear as before. In addition to the standard state kindergarten, there are a number of other options for “employment” of a preschool child. So children come to first grade with a wide variety of “baggage”: some went to a regular kindergarten, some went to some Development Center, and some even stayed at home with a nanny. And now, timid at first, but gaining strength, the voices of those who took it upon themselves to assert that “home” children were no worse than “kindergarten” children began to be heard. Of course, there are exceptions everywhere, but in general, a child raised at home, and not in an “institution,” may well be as developed, independent, proactive and sociable as a kindergarten student. Another thing is that for this, parents must not just “keep” their precious child at home, but work on developing all these qualities in him. What exactly does attending kindergarten give a child? First of all, the opportunity to communicate with peers, inclusion in a group. You may be staunch individualists, withdrawn and uncommunicative, but you must remember: starting from about three years old (and definitely from four years old!) a child needs to communicate with other children. And you must provide him with this opportunity. Of course, in kindergarten, a child learns to communicate not only with other children, but also with adults. Until school age begins, parents, of course, remain the only truly authoritative adults in a child’s life. But the experience of communicating with teachers in kindergarten helps the child in the future to avoid difficulties in establishing relationships with school teachers. The baby learns that in addition to his mother, there are other adults whose opinions need to be listened to, and sometimes simply obeyed. Another point is naturally connected with this point: in kindergarten, the child becomes acquainted with certain rules of behavior and learns to comply with them. The word “discipline” evokes a rather negative attitude among many of us, since it is associated with the “equalizing” drill adopted in kindergartens and schools of the Soviet era. But if we ignore these associations and understand by the word “discipline” simply the ability to adhere to the necessary rules of human society, then we must admit: these skills are necessary for the child. Finally, in kindergarten, the child receives opportunities for intellectual and physical development. Strictly speaking, the standard educational programs adopted in state kindergartens leave much to be desired: in many ordinary kindergartens there are not enough classes, and they are far from being conducted at the highest level. “Kindergarten” education alone is not enough for a child. In any case, parents should work with the baby themselves. But if a “home” child spends whole days exclusively in front of the TV screen, then in kindergarten he, of course, will receive incomparably more. Drawing, modeling, design, speech development, music classes and physical education - this minimal “gentleman’s set” will be provided by the simplest state kindergarten. If you are lucky and find a really good kindergarten (there are also state-run ones) with a good, extensive program, you can count on your child being truly interested there. Can I provide my child with all the conditions necessary for his harmonious development at home, without sending him to kindergarten? In principle, this is possible. But only if you are really ready for this very, very serious work. The most difficult thing in home education is, perhaps, not the intellectual or physical development of the child. It is in these areas that a caring and educated mother can give her child much more than classes in kindergarten. It is much more difficult to create for a child all the necessary conditions for social development. We have already talked above about the main advantages of kindergarten: the child gets the opportunity to communicate with peers and with adults other than parents, learns to behave “in society”, and to follow the rules. And if you do not want to send your child to kindergarten, you need to think carefully about how exactly you will provide your child with these opportunities. A “home” child should spend a lot of time on playgrounds, playing with other children. In addition, it is very desirable to provide him with some kind of permanent friend of the same age - or better, several friends. You need to take him to visit and invite other children to your home. This task is quite feasible. But we must not forget about another important point - the child’s communication with adults. It's no secret that women who prefer to stay home with their children until it's time to go to school often have a heightened sense of parental duty and a desire to be ideal mothers. Some rather unfavorable consequences follow from this laudable desire: such mothers are almost always convinced that they simply do not have the right to entrust their precious baby to someone else (and the category of “strangers” often includes all other people, including their closest friends , and grandparents). If you do not send your child to kindergarten because you do not trust the teachers and believe that no one but you will be able to treat the child correctly, find the right approach to him, you urgently need to change this point of view! Of course, the child cannot be given away to the first available hands. But you can’t limit his world only to your own person. You need to understand that a child needs experience communicating with other adults besides his mother - even if this mother really is the best in the world! If you don’t want to send your beloved child to kindergarten, send him to some club, section, or play group. Agree with one of your friends that from time to time your child will spend the day with her. The best thing is if among your friends there are young mothers like you. You can create a “visitation schedule”, taking turns hosting other children. Let your private “kindergarten” “work” only a few hours a day, at least a couple of times a week: this will already bring great benefits to the kids. They will learn to communicate with each other, and little by little they will get used to the fact that sometimes they have to obey not only their mother. Suitable age: does it make sense to send your child to a nursery?The most optimal age for going out into the world is four years. Yes, yes, no less! And please, try not to listen to the persistent advice of experienced grandmothers who are always ready to explain to us that “the sooner the better - the sooner you get used to it”! Because it's not true. A one-year-old toddler, of course, can “get used” to the fact that for some reason his beloved mother has been replaced by someone else’s, not very affectionate aunt. To get used to it means to resign yourself and suffer in silence, reacting to stress “only” with frequent colds and other illnesses, bad mood, and decreased interest in the world around you. Such passive resistance is far from a trifle; it has a very negative impact on the further emotional, intellectual and physical development of the baby. Today, most nurseries accept children only from one and a half years old. But this is also extremely early! One and a half years is the age when the so-called separation anxiety is just beginning to subside. Simply put, the baby is still too strongly attached to his mother and reacts very painfully to her absence, as well as to the appearance of strangers, especially if they try to get too close to him. It’s no secret that “disadvantaged” children, that is, those who are not doing well at home, adapt best to nurseries. Kindergarten teachers know this very well. They sadly talk about the fact that in each group there are one or two kids who do not want to leave kindergarten in the evenings: parents come, call from the threshold of the group, and the child... turns his back, hides behind a shelf with toys. And the point here is not at all that the baby “played too much”, was too carried away by some of his important baby affairs. For a one-and-a-half-year-old toddler, meeting his mother, the opportunity to cling to her tightly and not let go is the most important thing, by definition, due to age characteristics. Beginning at this age, the fear of unfamiliar adults gradually smoothes out, but does not completely disappear for quite some time (although different children differ greatly in this from each other). Interest in other children awakens in children only by the age of three. At the same time, at first they are drawn to older comrades, then they begin to be interested in those who are younger, and only last of all do they pay attention to their peers. So, a nursery for one and a half years can be justified only by the most extreme necessity. Before you decide to send your child to a nursery, you need to go through all the possible options that allow you to leave your baby at home. Look for home work, try to negotiate with mothers you know that you will take turns “shepherding” your children. Believe me, there are no hopeless situations and if you wish, you can always find some alternative to the nursery. It is a little easier for a two-year-old child to get used to the nursery. The general rule remains the same - early! But there are already quite a few exceptions to this rule. By the age of two, a child can be really very sociable, and if the kindergarten (especially the teachers!) is good, the child may like it there. In any case, you can try to take your child to a nursery if you are already convinced that he is not afraid of other children and adults, has the necessary self-care skills (knows how to use a potty, can feed himself), and experiences your absence without much suffering. At the same time, you must observe the behavior, mood of the baby, and his state of health. If you see that your two-year-old is having difficulty adapting to the nursery, under no circumstances insist or persist in your intention to accustom him to the “institution” right now. The saying “if you endure it, you fall in love” does not work in this case! The negative experience of visiting a nursery will have an impact in the future: in a year or two, when “home” children come to the group and adapt to the kindergarten without any problems, your baby will still perceive the kindergarten as a place of imprisonment, will often get sick, cry in the morning and in the evenings. In our case, the following folk wisdom applies: “The miser pays twice.” By sending a two-year-old to nursery who is not ready for it, you will gain nothing. Going to work will result in regular sick leave. It is much wiser to spend your time wisely: gradually, without haste, but persistently and consistently prepare your baby for kindergarten. This “investment” of your time and your care will pay off in full. This may sound banal, but still: what could be more valuable than the health of a beloved child - both physical and psychological? Some mothers send their two-year-old children to nurseries not because they really need to go to work, but for “pedagogical” reasons: they say, in the group the child will be taught to be independent, he will develop faster, etc. Yes, talking all day long with other people’s aunts and being only one of fifteen to twenty of the same toddlers, your child will probably learn to hold a spoon and pull up his pants faster than his “at-home” peers. But is this important in itself? At home, he also learns independence, masters all these necessary everyday skills - but how could it be otherwise? This, of course, requires your attention, your work and your patience. Let's be honest. When bringing a child to a nursery, we cannot even dream of some kind of individual approach, respect for the child’s personality, etc. Things are better with kindergartens, but nurseries cannot in any way be considered a place useful for the child. Both the age characteristics of a two-year-old child and the quality of our nurseries, in general, lead to the following conclusion: wait, don’t rush! It has been proven that nursery students are often later characterized by less initiative in decision-making, since activity and emotionality are largely established in the first years of life. Note to momA child who does not adapt well to a nursery or kindergarten does not necessarily demonstrate this clearly. He can behave quite obediently and even submissively, expressing his experiences in some indirect way. The most common form of passive resistance in toddlers is frequent colds. But there are other points that you definitely need to pay attention to. This is sleep, appetite, the child’s behavior at home in the evenings, after kindergarten. In the first time after starting to visit a nursery or kindergarten, such “delights” as decreased appetite, difficulty falling asleep and even crying at night, domestic whims and a somewhat depressed or irritable mood can be considered “normal”. But if after three to four weeks the situation does not improve, we can say that the child is not adapting well to kindergarten or nursery. In this case, it is advisable to save the child from attending kindergarten for the next year, and if this is completely impossible, try to soften his traumatic situation: leave him in kindergarten only for half a day, give him an additional day off in the middle of the week, look for a kindergarten or nursery with fewer children in Group. These recommendations may not seem very realistic. However, the experience of many mothers shows that they can be done if desired. And the efforts are justified, because as a result, you preserve the mental well-being of the child, and therefore your own. At what age is it best for a child to go to kindergarten?We have already begun to answer this question. Let us repeat once again: most psychologists today consider four years to be the optimal age, and three years to be quite acceptable. By the age of three, the child is no longer afraid of being left without his mother for some time, begins to be interested in communicating with other children, and has self-care skills. But he will only truly enjoy playing with his peers when he is closer to four years old. The ideal option is to gradually, without haste or presenting strict demands, begin introducing the child to kindergarten at three to three and a half years old. First, take him for walks with the kindergarten group, then leave him in kindergarten for half the day. If it quickly turns out that the child does not mind spending time in a new environment, you can move on to a regular visit to kindergarten. If the baby does not express any special enthusiasm, there is nothing wrong with the fact that until the age of four he will attend kindergarten according to a “gentle” regime. Don't worry about him falling behind his peers in some way. The main thing is that after three years he does not remain in a confined home space, alone with his mother or grandmother, but gradually expands the boundaries of the familiar world. Note to momHere is a very important, albeit purely “technical” warning. All the advice given by psychologists, authors of various books and manuals (including the author of this article) regarding kindergarten is somewhat theoretical. Smooth, soft and unhurried adaptation to kindergarten is an ideal to which one can strive. But in reality, unless you have sufficient financial resources to enroll your child in a private “family” kindergarten (and most of us do not have such opportunities), be prepared for the fact that life will make adjustments to your ideal scheme. And the first thing you will encounter is the queue. Yes, yes, the good old queue at kindergarten from the time of your own childhood. Just seven or eight years ago, mothers could really slowly move from one kindergarten to another, compare and choose the one that was better. The birth rate in the country was low, kindergartens were empty and closed, and those that remained afloat were ready to accept almost everyone, regardless of registration in the desired microdistrict. (Nurseries, by the way, have always remained overcrowded, but there are much fewer of them than kindergartens.) Today there are more children, but the number of kindergartens has decreased - precisely in those “childless” years. And you need to register for the simplest, “yard” kindergarten at least a year before the child goes there. With the same gardens that are especially popular in your area, you can safely start “making friends” even during pregnancy. In recent years, this practice has become increasingly common. At the age of two, the child is sent to a nursery, he gets used to it with difficulty, and the parents decide to leave him at home for another year. But under no circumstances do they take away the documents! They persuade the administration to “hold the place” and regularly pay monthly bills in order to maintain the opportunity to send the child to kindergarten without any problems in a year or even two. So draw your own conclusions. You need to look for a kindergarten in advance, at least a year in advance, ideally even earlier. Be active, don’t expect gifts from fate. While walking the streets with the stroller in which your newborn lies, meet the mothers of older children, find out what kindergartens they go to and whether they are happy with them. In addition, the Internet can be of great help in finding a good kindergarten. There are ratings of schools and kindergartens on numerous “parental” websites. There you can find reviews about different kindergartens, groups, and development centers. In addition, you will have the opportunity to ask some specific questions and get the necessary advice. The child doesn’t want to go to kindergarten at all...Can any child be enrolled in kindergarten? Doctors, psychologists and parents call some children “non-kindergarten children”. What is behind this definition? Are there really children who, under no circumstances, can adapt to kindergarten? To be honest, there are probably no such children. The only question is how much effort the child and his parents need to put in for adaptation to kindergarten to take place, and whether these efforts are justified, that is, whether they need to be made. Based on how kids adapt to kindergarten, they can be divided into three groups. The first group are children who react to a change in environment with a real nervous breakdown. Frequent colds are almost always added to this. The second group consists of children who do not show signs of nervous strain and “only” begin to get sick often. The third group is children who get used to kindergarten without any problems or difficulties. So, every second child belongs to the first or second group. Does this mean that only half of the children who go to kindergarten have a chance to “settle in” there, and all the rest should stay at home until school age? Of course not. In most cases, adaptation problems are solvable, and it does not require very much time. Kindergarten is stressful for a child, but the stress is completely surmountable. Only the baby definitely needs help to cope with this new and very serious experience. Such a large number of children experiencing difficulties in adapting to kindergarten is largely due to their lack of preparation for a new way of life. You cannot throw a child into an unfamiliar environment, like into water, in the expectation that he will immediately learn to “swim.” It is worth devoting time and attention in advance to preparing for visiting kindergarten, and then your baby will most likely end up in the third, safe group. Despite all my efforts, the child still cannot get used to kindergarten. What explains this and what can be done?Indeed, in some cases even careful preliminary work does not help. Despite all your efforts and good intentions, the child continues to protest in one form or another against attending kindergarten. What's the matter? First of all, the baby may not yet have reached the appropriate age (we discussed this issue in detail above). In addition, as already mentioned, a child's attitude towards kindergarten can be greatly damaged by a bad experience visiting a nursery. A conditioned reflex can be triggered here: even a small child remembers (at least on a subconscious, emotional level) that he has already been within these walls and felt bad. If this is the reason, then it is best to postpone going “out into the world” for some more time (at least for six months), while continuing to maintain contact with the kindergarten during this period - go for walks, make friends on “neutral territory” with someone from the kids who go to the same group. Difficulties in adjusting to kindergarten may also be due to the child’s temperament. Temperament is an innate characteristic; it cannot be changed, but, unfortunately, it can be suppressed and forcibly distorted. Sanguine children usually adapt to a new environment quite well, but choleric and phlegmatic children often have a hard time. Children with a choleric temperament turn out to be too active and noisy, but slow phlegmatic people can suffer even more - they simply cannot keep up with the others. And in kindergarten it’s important to keep up: eat on time, get dressed or undressed on time, complete some task... Carefully observe your baby, ask the teacher about how exactly the child spends the day in the group. And if you decide that difficulties in adaptation are associated precisely with a temperament that is “inconvenient” for kindergarten, be sure to discuss this with the teachers. Explain to them that the child behaves in an “inappropriate” way not because he is guilty of something, but because he cannot do otherwise. Do not hesitate to be persistent and firm, informing the teachers that your phlegmatic little one should under no circumstances be constantly teased, urged, and even more so scolded for being slow. Tell them (and, of course, keep in mind yourself) that under pressure from adults, a phlegmatic child only becomes even more slow and passive. His nervous system functions in such a way that when there is excessive stimulation, the “emergency braking” is activated, and the child falls into real prostration. But if such a child is not disturbed, he knows how to finish what he starts, is calm and balanced, neat and reliable. As for slowness, it will gradually smooth out as the child grows and develops. The pace of activity of a phlegmatic person will still be somewhat reduced compared to sanguine people and especially choleric people - the pace, but not the effectiveness! While a hasty choleric person will put on all his clothes inside out and upside down twice, and the teacher will finally change his clothes correctly, the phlegmatic child will just have time to fasten all the buttons once, but correctly and accurately, and even, perhaps, tie his shoelaces. All this must be explained to the teachers so that they remember: the less they tug and rush your “slow mover”, the faster he will “straighten out”, get used to the kindergarten environment and begin to have time to do everything he needs. But what to do with those hasty choleric people who don’t sit still for a second and in general often resemble a small tornado? It is clear that such a temperament does not cause much enthusiasm among kindergarten teachers. But again, it is necessary to talk with the staff and explain that the baby is “rambunctious” not due to a lack of upbringing, but due to innate personality traits. Tell the teachers that it would be good for your “hurricane” child to be involved in some kind of active activity if possible. If he scattered toys, he will probably collect them with the same pleasure and speed - if you ask him and not force him. As a rule, in kindergartens, children are still allowed to move quite freely - to run and jump (they are allowed, if only because it is impossible to force twenty three-year-olds to sit on chairs for a long time and quietly!). If you come across very strict teachers who require children to stand in one place during walks or walk back and forth in pairs, well, in this case it is best to look for other teachers. (This, by the way, applies not only to the problems of choleric children! Drilling, suppression, and severe restriction of natural activity are harmful for any child, regardless of temperament.) Finally, when looking for the reasons for your child’s poor adaptability to kindergarten, think about this: do you easily adapt to new conditions? Do you like to be in noisy companies? If a child grows up in a society of closed, less sociable parents, then most likely he himself will prefer quiet games alone. An ordinary crowded kindergarten may indeed be contraindicated for such a child, but at the same time he should under no circumstances be left in isolation! It certainly needs to be “brought into the light”, although this must be done unobtrusively and carefully, in small “doses”. It’s a good idea to place such a “recluse” in a play group where there are few children and where you don’t have to spend the whole day. Who's better off staying home?Children who are weakened, often ill (even before any kindergarten!), or children with an unstable nervous system should not be sent to an ordinary, standard kindergarten. This does not mean that such children should not be sent anywhere at all. You just need to take into account that if your baby is not very healthy, this means he is hypersensitive and vulnerable. You need to approach him with special caution, and choose a kindergarten even more carefully than in the case of an “ordinary” (if there are such a thing in the world!) child. There are special health-improving kindergartens, but you should not rely on the name alone: if there are fifteen people in a group and one teacher for two shifts, visiting such a kindergarten will not bring your child much health benefits. If you don’t plan to spend the next few years on sick leave to care for your child, put off your dreams of a kindergarten for the time being and start “healing” your baby on your own: watch his routine and nutrition, take more walks, if the doctors allow, start tempering him. Try to find opportunities for your child to attend some kind of “development school” or play group at least a couple of times a week. If this is absolutely impossible, at least go out with him so that he can little by little break away from you and learn that the world around him is wide and not dangerous.
What else to read? The last notes
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